It'll do for now...

At least, it's not nauseating Pepto Pink! It's also not the wintry atmosphere I had envisioned, but maybe I need a bit of warmth, since I'm currently chilled to the bone and wishing for a warmer climate (Florida in 30 days--yay!!)

I WAS excited about the snow today...so excited, in fact, that I loudly proclaimed "It's SNOWING!!" to everyone in our lobby this morning...not that any of them really cared, I think, nor did they particularly care to see me excitedly jumping up and down, alternating between smiling over the snow and wincing when my poor, still-tender feet hit the ground, but I proclaimed, jumped, and winced nonetheless. Ah, well...both the snow and the pain were short-lived. As was the Pepto-Bismol Pink background (long and winding road, but I eventually made it back to the original subject matter).

I don't like pink...

...but I was tired of the old autumnal colors. Can't find anything really "wintry" that I like--actually don't really like ANY of these templates, but I don't know how to import a template from somewhere else. I found one awhile back that I LOVED and couldn't figure out how to make it work, so I just gave up and went with one of the boring ones on here.

Can someone rescue me from this sea of Pepto-Bismol-ish pink?

"I have a brain cloud"...

If you're a Joe Vs. the Volcano fan, you'll recognize that line. You should, anyway. It's the disease that Joe is "diagnosed" with that makes him throw all caution to the wind and go live his life with reckless abandon.

Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the type of brain cloud I'm blessed with at the moment. I honestly feel like there's a dense blanket of fog in my head and it's preventing me from thinking as "clearily" (one of my favorite recently-created words) as I should. I told a friend the other night that I feel like I'm right on the edge of truly "getting" something really big and life-changing, but I just can't quite seem to step into it. It's like it's waiting for me around a corner, but I haven't gotten to the corner yet. And, on top of that, I'm just tired. Emotionally drained, actually, which, in turn, physically drains me...and adds to that fog in my head.

I'm not big on making "resolutions" for the new year and, really, not even all that much in favor of the whole big "to do" about New Year's Eve--I mean, it's one minute's difference on the clock, for heaven's sake! Did everything REALLY change all that much, just because a minute passed? Is there really that much to celebrate because we're now in 2007, instead of 2006? Is the world all different now, somehow washed clean and brand-new? (I think I'm going somewhere with this, but it's mostly just stream-of-consciousness rambling...)

I suppose there's not one of us who couldn't use a "new start" now and then, of course. I ended 2006 in a stupid flurry of hurting people dear to me--not intentionally at all, but my insensitivity, self-defensiveness, lack of faith and just plain obtuseness put me in prime position for wounding those I love. And I did a good job of it. So, I'd say a "new start" is a good idea for me. Not because the calendar has a new number on it, but just because I need to quit acting stupid. Every minute is precious...and an opportunity for a new start. Thank God for His grace...immeasurable gift it is, indeed.

Maybe that will lift some of the cloud, eh?

Thanks, Sara Groves and Os Hillman...

I'm borrowing their words today...trying to find my own again. I want to go into the land of Judah, but I'm not finding the road. Anyone have a map?

Cave of Adullum--Sara Groves
Speak to me, speak to me in my cave of Adullam.
Reach to me, reach to me. No one cares for my soul.
I thought I saw your kingdom, but it's not going to happen
like I thought it would happen. .
Remind me, remind me of the vision you gave me.
Remind me, remind me what anointing oil is for.
I need to know you're near me.
I need to know you are holding me just as closely .
Chorus: as the day you took my life and gave me a vision,
as the day you poured the oil and gave me a dream.
I can't believe this is happening.
How does a shepherd become a king?


Coming Out of the Stronghold, by Os Hillman

..."Do not stay in the stronghold. Go into the land of Judah"... - 1 Samuel 22:5

David and his fighting men had been hiding in the cave of Adullam. He was fleeing Saul. Many of life's down-and-out had come and joined David's army. David was content to stay in the stronghold of safety. Then, God's prophet came to David and told him that he must leave the stronghold and go into the land of Judah.

When life beats down on us and we get to the place where we want to hide in a cave, God often places people around us who prod us into moving in the right direction. He does not want us to remain in the place of discouragement. He wants us to move into the land of "praise." Judah means "praise."

I recall when I went through a very difficult time. It seemed to drag on and on with no change until finally I wanted to retreat to a cave and forget pressing on. It was a great time of discouragement. A godly man came to me and said, "You must keep moving! There are too many who are depending on you in the Kingdom." I didn't totally understand what he meant at the time. Now I know he was saying that God is preparing each of us to be the vessel He wants to use in the life of another person, but we will never be that vessel if we give up and hide in our cave of discouragement. Not only must we keep moving, we must move into a new realm. Our attitude must move from discouragement to praise. It is when we move past discouragement to praise that we begin living above our problems. Make a decision today to go into the land of Judah.

Living this life (la vida loca?)....

Somehow (don't ask, I can't explain it), this song just seems to express the essence of all I'm feeling right now...there's much inside me that I just can't clearly enunciate (me, who rarely lacks for words--imagine that!!)--every time I open my mouth to talk about it, the words stumble all over themselves and make no sense even to me, so I'm sure they make no sense to anyone else.

Ready to spread my little wings...whether you see me or not.

Live This Life(Big Kenny/John Rich)

Met a man on the street last night
Said his name was Jesus
Met a man on the street last night
Thought he was crazy till I watched him heal a blind man
Watched him heal a blind man now I see yeah

I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore

Met a girl in a chair with wheels
But no one else would see her
Met a girl in a chair with wheels
Everyone was so afraid
To even look down on her
And she just spread her little wings and flew away yeah

I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open doorI have no fears,
angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Live here anymore

Met a kid on a bridge last night
Contemplating freedom
Met a kid on a bridge last night
And he said
I'm tired of this maddening life
And I'm ready to go meet Jesus
I said he's a friend of mine
Met him just last night
And it's alright
Yeah it's all right
Yeah

I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Live here anymore

Met a man on the street last night
Said his name was Jesus
Met a man on the street last night

Totally random exciting news!!

My mom just called to tell me that a Qdoba is opening in Evansville! In case you haven't figured it out yet, the news is a wonderful early Christmas present for me. The noodle place on Burkhardt (can't remember the real name...I call it "Oodles of Noodles") is closed and the owners have purchased a Qdoba franchise--not sure how soon it will be opening, but I'll be monitoring the progress VERY closely. :-)

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...

Remembering their names...

I've just returned from my second trip this year to the Katrina-ravaged Gulfport, MS area. I'm still overwhelmed...not only by what I saw, but also by what God spoke to me this week. I'm still sorting it all out and writing it down always seems the best way for my "sorting process" to work, so...that's what I'm going to do. :-) It may be a bit muddled, because it's definitely NOT sorted yet!

I've recently become a fan of the new Battlestar Galactica series and one episode in particular had a profound effect on me--one of the characters made a statement early in the episode about not being able to remember the names of all their fallen fighter pilots and not really thinking it was important because they were gone, but at the end, she stands and honors their memory by reciting their names. That spoke strongly to me, because I had just recently wandered around a VERY old cemetery, looking at the names of long-dead relatives and strangers, and had a conversation about who would remember me...and how I would be remembered when all that remained of my earthly life was nothing more than a name on a tombstone.

The people I met this week aren't just "Katrina survivors" or "homeless men" or "FEMA trailer park residents" or "God's Katrina Kitchen volunteers"--they are individuals, fearfully and wonderfully made, loved and known by the same God who made, loves and knows me. They have faces and lives and stories that are, for the most part, forgotten by the media and the ignorant who don't have a clue about the magnitude of destruction and believe that everyone's gone back to "normal" life (BIG "issue" with me that you'll probably hear more about later, but that's not the story for today). I want to remember those names. And their stories.

Neil: He came to Gulfport from Florida because he heard there were construction jobs paying good money. He worked for a contractor for a week, sleeping on the guy's couch because he had nowhere else to go. The contractor couldn't/wouldn't pay him for the work he'd done and Neil refused to continue to work without being paid, so consequently, he no longer had a place to stay. Someone directed him to God's Katrina Kitchen on Wednesday...he hadn't eaten for two days. I fed him lunch. And then dinner. And he stayed for our group's worship service that night. He wanted to work as a volunteer for GKK for a place to stay and hot meals. He owns a bicycle, the clothes he's wearing, and carries a garbage bag of personal items. He sleeps in a deep ditch near GKK. (The nighttime temperatures were around 20-30 degrees each night we were there, btw.) He is tired and discouraged and wonders where God is in all that's happened to him.

Terry: Originally from Michigan, he came to Mississippi from Colorado, where he sold souvenir rocks mounted on wooden plaques (he gave me two of them because I was his friend). He's staying with friends in an apartment near GKK and got a job Friday doing concrete work. He had asked me earlier in the week to ask God to help him find a job, because he thought God probably listened to me more than He listened to him.

Kevin: He lives in Pass Christian and was a part-time volunteer at GKK before the move to Gulfport. I met him Wednesday--he told me that he had just ridden his bike from about 20 minutes west of Pass Christian (at least ten miles) and was looking for a job. When he came in Friday, he had gotten a job at a Subway down the street. He also told me that he had missed breakfast that morning because his water (he lives in a FEMA trailer) had frozen--his space heater doesn't produce enough heat to keep the water pipes from freezing when the temperature drops into the 20s. He asked me if I liked poetry and produced a notebook of poems he had written--one was entitled "B-4" and was a list of things that had happened, both throughout the Bible and in his own personal life--ie, "before Katrina hit Pass Christian, etc..." and the last line of each stanza was "a way had already been made". Powerful stuff. His faith has carried him through some very rough times.

Otis: All I know of Otis is his name...his mental faculties are lacking so much that it was hard to get more than a few sensible words at a time out of him. He brought me a Bible one day, opened to the book of Jeremiah and asked me to read it to him. When I was finished, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He wanders in and out most of the day, talking to whomever will give him a few minutes, smiling at everyone, chattering to himself.

Steve: He's a cross-carrier...one of Arthur Blessit's "disciples", from California. He carries a 12' X 6' wooden cross on his shoulder, all across the country. When he came in Tuesday, he hadn't eaten for two days--some of our volunteers found him and brought him in for lunch. He came back that night for our worship service and I had the opportunity to quiz him--he's on a ten-year "mission" to tell people about Jesus by carrying the cross along highways and interstates and stopping to speak whenever someone gives him an opening.

Jeff: Born in Bossier City, he moved to Florida with his mom, then to Knoxville, then back to Florida, then to Gulfport to do construction work. I heard his entire life story as I waited in line for breakfast Thursday morning. He told me that he had been working construction in Gulfport, making good money, but blowing it all on drinking and drugs...knowing all the time that he wasn't living the way God would want him to live. He walked into GKK for lunch one day, felt God's presence and knew that he belonged there. He left the good-paying construction job, moved into one of the GKK bunkhouses and went to work as an unpaid volunteer on one of the work teams, started going to a 12-step recovery program, has been clean and sober almost 2 months and positively RADIATES Jesus all over the place.

I won't forget.

While you're waiting...

...for me to get home from Mississippi, go here: http://www.jdtkwcc.blogspot.com/ and read what Jacob has to say. (A forewarning: he has LOTS to say!! Must be why I like him...he reminds me of me!) I'll have to confess that I haven't read it all myself, but I will digest it all when I have the opportunity.

Preview of coming attractions...

I'm in the midst of preparing for Thanksgiving with my family/friends (I'm cooking--I'm so excited!) and have had NO time to sit down and de-muddle all the thoughts running in circles in my head. Rest assured, there are thoughts there...and some, even, that seem worth sharing.

God's shown me some really interesting things the past couple of weeks and I've enjoyed just standing back and watching as He's peeled some of the outer layers off some of the mysteries of life and allowed me to see that "real" life lurks just below the surface of what we often accept at face value--and we miss so much by doing that.

More later... :-)

Happy ?? Feet...

...it just ain't penguin!! ;-)

And THESE are the infamous blue booties, waiting to be draped in suede or covered in paint, glitter, shells, or macaroni!!

Well, I survived...

My feet are in that half-still-numb-from-anesthesia, half-painful state, I can barely keep my eyes open (and won't for very long!) and I'm still freezing, but I'm safely home and lying on my couch--and grateful to be here!

I'm sure I'll have plenty of time in the next couple of days to share all the thoughts that have been running through my head the last couple of days, but for now, I just wanted to say "thanks" to all of you who have prayed for me and encouraged me as I was preparing for surgery. I appreciate it...more than I can express in the few words I can manage to type right now. :-)

Stay tuned for more...

Racing against time...

...but I'm going to win!

For those of you unfamiliar with my feet (that would be most, if not all, of you I'm relatively certain!), this is their story--the abbreviated edition.

The bottom line is...I have to have surgery. On both feet. Relatively soon. It's minor surgery, at least, if anything involving incisions and chipping and drilling into bones can be called "minor"! I am NOT looking forward to this. My doctor told me that in the "best case scenario", I should take off work for three weeks to fully recuperate (NOT an option!), but he will allow me to return to work after at least three days, wearing those silly boot things.

The OTHER bottom line thing is...I'm going to Mississippi in December to do Katrina relief work (funny/not-so-funny sidebar here: I was at a meeting tonight and shared with some people that I was going to do Katrina relief work in December and one woman looked at me in disbelief and said "STILL? I can't believe it's taking so long." Obviously, SHE has not been to the Gulfport/Biloxi/Pass Christian war zone.)

At any rate, I'm in a race again time here. I need to have the surgery done before I go to Mississippi, because I'm probably going to be on my feet most of the day (I'll be cooking at God's Katrina Kitchen, helping prepare meals for the relief workers/residents of the area who still have no cooking facilities). If I don't have it done immediately, I won't have enough recovery time before the trip.

So, I'm having surgery Tuesday. It's done in the doctor's office, but he brings in an anesthetist and they put me OUT. I'm probably dreading that more than anything...I asked if I could just have a local and he told me that wasn't an option (I asked for that when I had my gallbladder removed, too--same answer!)

Good thing the fashion statement for this fall is...ANYTHING worn with foam boots, eh?! Should be fun trying to drive wearing those things. Can't wait. The GOOD thing is, post-recovery/post-foam boots, I'll be able to wear all of my shoes, instead of just the two pairs that don't cause excruciating pain every time I put them on (think Steve Martin's "Cruel Shoes" story).

The "grammar nazi" in me...

Actually, "spelling nazi" is probably more appropriate in this instance.

If anyone were to ask me my pet peeves, I probably couldn't come up with many off the top of my head, but, rest assured, I DO have them...and most of them probably have to do with grammar and spelling. (Nerd alert!!) One of the BIGGIES is one I see all the time...and it's one that, of course, will breeze right through a spell-check, because it's a "real" word. A real word that is, more often than not, unfortunately, used in place of the CORRECT real word.

And today, it was used by none other than the DIRECTOR of our agency, in an email that went out to literally HUNDREDS (maybe thousands) of people who all now know (silly me--they don't know, because most of them probably don't use the correct word, either!) that she doesn't have a clue. The word is "PIQUED". Not "PEAKED". She said she heard an interesting story that "peaked" her interest. Tell me how something PEAKS your interest...please tell me what that means. Will she never be any more excited about something than she was about this story? That's saying a lot, isn't it?

So says the dictionary:

pique /pik/ [peek] –verb (used with object)
1. to affect with sharp irritation and resentment, esp. by some wound to pride: She was greatly piqued when they refused her invitation.
2. to wound (the pride, vanity, etc.).
3. to excite (interest, curiosity, etc.): Her curiosity was piqued by the gossip.
4. to arouse an emotion or provoke to action: to pique someone to answer a challenge.

peak–verb (used without object)
14. to project in a peak.
15. to attain a peak of activity, development, popularity, etc.: The artist peaked in the 1950s.

The "J"s have it...

Totally random.

I was looking at my list of fellow "cracked pots" (NOT "crackpots"!) just now and realized I have a near-plethora of "J" people--Julie, Jon, Jim, Jacob. Kinda strange, eh?! Maybe I should start looking for some new friends in other parts of the alphabet... ;-)

So why, do you ask, are you "cracked pots"? (Thanks for asking.) I've lifted this analogy from Erin--I think she posted it as a comment here on my blog a couple of weeks ago, or maybe she posted it as a response to a comment I posted on HER blog...at any rate, she said we were all pots getting cracked so we could show more and more of His glory. I have this mental image of me as a rough, unglazed terra cotta jar with a candle glowing inside it...and God is that candle inside, chipping away, trying to break away enough of my hard, rough clay surface so that I will RADIATE with His love and people will want to draw near to bask in that warmth and light.

"Poiema" unveiled...

Blame it on Hersch...he asked what "poiema" means. ;-)

From Strong's: Word 4161. 1) that which has been made.2) a work. a) of the works of God as creator. Derived from Word 4160, "poieo". 1) to make
a) with the names of things made, to produce, construct, form, fashion, etc.
b) to be the authors of, the cause c) to make ready, to prepare...etc.

It's the word used in Ephesians 2:10--"We are His workmanship (poiema)". His creation. His handiwork. Something He has produced and made ready. Good stuff, eh?

That's the "technical" stuff. The personal story behind it is:

"Poiema" is the title of one of Michael Card's CDs from a few years ago (1994). Since I'm not a Greek scholar, that was my first exposure to the word. Being a "wordaholic", though, I DID go immediately and look up the meaning. :-)

One of the songs on the CD is called "Poem of Your Life". I'm trying to find the lyrics and, of course, can't. At the moment. I WILL find them and I'll post them, but for now, I'll just post part of the liner notes...some of his comments about the purpose behind the music.

''The Bible tells us that we are God's masterpieces (poiema in Greek); not only creatures, but His creations, His poems (Eph 2:10). We are living epistles (2 Cor 3:3). And so, our lives are meant to be listened to, because it is God who is speaking into and out of and through the symphony of the years, and the masterpiece of a lifetime. "

Being a writer/poet/musician sort, I LOVED the fact that, in a way, I, as God's created work, am a poem...my life is a poem, a song that He's written for the world to hear. And I might be a simple short, sweet (I hope!) song, but I'm also part of this huge, magnificent, overwhelmingly beautiful SYMPHONY that spans heaven and earth and all our lifetimes--my little part in the symphony may be just that (little), but when you're listening to an orchestra play, sometimes, above the trumpeting brass and the resonating drum, you hear the briefest, sweetest trill of a flute...and it outshines everything for a second. I want my life to sing His song...the song that He's put in me to sing. And I hope I'm not off-key...

THE cat...

Accountability matters...

So. I got called on something today. By someone for whom I care very much. Someone whom I respect. Someone whom I want to respect me...and my integrity.

This was one of those little "gray area" things...in all honesty, it was nothing illegal, sinful, or otherwise morally wrong (although I'm quite capable of all those things). But. It WAS questionable. And I was questioned. I have NEVER liked gray. I'm liking it even less these days.

I find myself talking a lot about accountability--mostly bemoaning the fact that I don't have the accountability in my life that I want to have. So, did it, then, feel good to be confronted? Nope. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.

But...someone held me accountable. Made me take a long, hard look at a foolish choice and the resulting consequences. Made me understand how others are sometimes hurt by my rash decisions. And I can honestly say "thanks".

"The God of the Valley"

From Os Hillman's "Today God is First" daily e-devotional for today....

...God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.

However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight.

Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others.

God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.

Lord, help me be faithful in the valley.

God is always on time...

So...I've been sitting here tonight with one thought on my mind. Actually, one thought that led to another thought that led to others that...well, you get the point. Lost in thought--buried, actually, by an avalanche of sadness and almost-overwhelming brokenness that stemmed from ONE thought. This thought: "I'm alone." Then this one: "I'm alone and lonely." Then: "I'm alone, lonely, and no one knows/cares." Needless to say, it all spiralled downward from that point. I should send out invitations to my big pity party, shouldn't I? ;-)

Today I've been reading the blogs of an old acquaintance...someone I knew in my "former life" (pre-divorce), a VERY long time ago. He and his wife made a deep impact on my life at a time when I didn't really understand much about the Body of Christ concept and what it means to say that we ARE a body...deeply connected and intertwined and fashioned that way for a purpose. They got it. They understood it. They lived it. And I've never forgotten what I learned from them, even though I didn't have the opportunity to spend much time with them. They were a blessing to me then...and now.

Cheryl was diagnosed with cancer in March (she was 48). And she met Jesus face-to-face in September. Jim blogged almost daily from the day of her diagnosis, keeping friends and family updated on the losing battle with cancer, but the ultimate Kingdom "win" for Cheryl. Their faith and trust in God and their unswerving belief in His sovereignty and love is a precious, beautiful story.

So...Jim said the following in June (the emphasis is mine). I read it tonight, amidst the pity-party confetti strewn all over my living room. God, in His timing, is perfect--He somehow (imagine that!!) knew I would need to read these very words tonight. I know He's in the midst of everything in my life...I know there's purpose, even though I can't see it and certainly can't begin to understand it. Maybe this is part of His purpose:


Remember: We won't know Jesus can calm the storm unless we are in a storm. We won't know he can heal the sick unless we are sick. We won't know Jesus will befriend the broken hearted and downcast unless we are friendless and broken hearted. We won't know Jesus can lead us to streams of clear water unless we're lost and thirsty. May God help us stop despairing our situations in life that are negative and begin to see Him work His love through every one of those situations.

Purpose and reason...

It seems like God often speaks to me most clearly through music...maybe that's just because there's always music playing in my world--if I'm not listening to my CD player or Ipod or radio, the most recent tracks are replaying themselves over and over in my head...there's a lyric and a tune to fit every mood and situation.

So...I recently made a compilation CD of songs which have been constant companions through some of my darker days--songs which remind me that, even though life is, at times, incredibly tough, and God seems all-too-distant and aloof, nothing (NOTHING) happens without His knowledge.

I primarily choose to believe that most of the crap I have to slog through is a result of (either myself or someone else) stepping out of His perfect/best plan and into those "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" areas which lead to walking through a lot of brambles and bogs to get back where I'm supposed to be, but...I don't think that's really always the case.

Back to my compilation CD--one of the songs I included is a song by Layton Howerton called "Beauty Marks". Of course I can't find the liner notes from his CD, so I can't post the entire song, but I'll post the pertinent lines. It's funny how you listen to something hundreds of times and then one day, out of the blue, the words just punch you in the stomach so hard that they nearly knock you to the ground.

The song is about the "beauty marks" God leaves on us through His work in our lives...the things that other people perceive as scars. The chorus says:

Bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
These wrinkles above my brow
Are not the product of a scowl,
It came from being seasoned,
Sifted with purpose and reason,
So bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
If you look upon my face,
See flaws in this canvas of grace,
They're simply God's beauty marks.

So, I've loved this song for about two years and have listened to it often. It's always given me peace in the midst of the storm (one of the verses talks about the "coming storm"). Yesterday, I was listening to it and the words "sifted with purpose and reason" hit me HARD. It was like I was driving into a neon billboard with two huge words flashing in my face: PURPOSE. REASON.

I haven't had much to say lately because I've been in a place where I just didn't know WHAT to say...I'm still not sure that I know. I don't think I can describe the "sifting" process I've been going through the past week or so...it's just been TOUGH. Part of the reason I made that CD in the first place was to have a constant reminder of God's presence when I can't feel Him there in the dark with me....and it's been DARK.

I'm strangely comforted by the fact that God HAS chosen to sift me...purposefully, deliberately, knowingly...and for His reasons, whatever they may be. That knowledge is a place of peace. And I need peace right now.

Bring it on.