When worlds collide...

On most days, I thank God I don't have cable/dish/rabbit ears for my TV. I get along quite well, thank you, with watching a couple of shows online every week and keeping up with the major world events through Yahoo. And this time of year, most definitely, I'm especially grateful. I've been exposed to enough "Get up EARLY and don't miss the bargains!!" Black Friday commercials while at friends' homes the past couple of days to reassure me that I could live quite contentedly for the rest of my life without bringing any of that back into my peacefully oblivious existence.

I chose to participate in "Buy Nothing Day" today...a grassroots movement of sorts to attempt to take back this day from the mainline, media-driven, blindly-accepted, consumer insanity. While people are dying in the name of Black Friday bargains (yes, DYING--a WalMart employee was trampled to death early this morning in a 5:00 AM stampede) and getting injured, I stayed home, slept in, ate some Thanksgiving leftovers and started working through the backlog of snail mail/email/blog updates that have been piling up on me during the busy last couple of weeks.

And here's what I learned:

While people are mindlessly stampeding others for the sake of a $200 Xbox or an $800 50" plasma TV or an $88 Barbie Jeep or a $20 Hannah Montana beanbag chair, my C4C Disaster Relief (formerly God's Katrina Kitchen) friends Vickie, Vance and Ryan Weesner, Steve and Lezlie Anderson, and Mary Edna Thompson are serving those in Galveston who remain homeless after the devastation of Hurricane Ike (the mostly forgotten because politics were more important, but third most costly disaster in the US at $21 BILLION in losses). And Beverly Hayden, an amazingly talented lawyer-turned-photographer-turned-world-adventurer, is trampling through the garbage dump in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, handing out bread, apples, oranges, hugs, and love to the more than 300 hungry, sometimes naked and shoeless, beautiful children who live there in the midst of the stench and toxic waste.

A vast chasm between worlds, eh? One that leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless and broken and paralyzed...and wondering how the hell we got here. And if there's really a way to get out...or if it's too late to even have the smallest shred of hope that things can ever change.

Thanks, Alanis...

She's certainly been my "soul sister" in the angry days--there's nothing better than cranking up SFIJ or Jagged Little Pill and singing out the rage. But. Alanis has a sweeter sound these days. Kinda grown up and content and peaceful...even when life hurts. Kinda blissful. That's where I am right now. And, even though I'm not in Cali, this song pretty much fits my mood right now...

"Giggling Again for No Reason"--Alanis Morissette

I am driving in my car up highway one
I left LA without telling anyone
There were people who needed something from me
But I am sure they’ll get along fine on their own

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And I’m giggling again for no reason

I am dancing with my friends in elation
We’ve taken adventures to new levels of fun
I can feel the bones are smiling in my body
I can see the meltings of inhibition

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And I’m giggling again for no reason

I’m reeling jubilation
Triumphant in delight
I am at home in this high five
And I’m smiling for no reason

I am sitting at the set of cali sun
We’ve gotten quiet for its’ last precious seconds
I can feel the salt of the sea on my skin
And we still hear the echoes of abandon

Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And I’m giggling again for no reason

Random gratefulness...

...or maybe "gratefulness for random things". In my best Erin-esque form (meaning bulleted, because I love it when she does that). :-)

• I spent the weekend at a church retreat. Not what I expected. Not really, even what I hoped for. But better than both. We talked a lot about what it means to be a "church" and a "family" and a "body". It would have been wonderful if more of our church family could have participated--many didn't, for a variety of reasons. But the ones who were there were changed...in small ways or big ways, but all in at least one good way, simply by virtue of the fact that we were acting like family. It was good.
• At the retreat, I got to hang out a lot with one of my oldest, dearest friends in my church family. He's the one who invited us to the church to begin with. He's the one who got me involved in Godstock. He's the one who wouldn't let me disassociate myself from Godstock when I was in the middle of my divorce. He's the one who listened to me rant and rave, let me cry, cried with me, prayed with me...and mostly just listened and stuck right by my side when things were horrible and sad. Our lives have taken different paths and we rarely see each other outside of Sunday mornings anymore. But we sat and talked a lot this weekend and I loved it. He's a godly man who's full of wisdom, but his voice is quiet and his demeanor is unassuming...and people don't listen to him nearly as much as they should. I'm so glad I got the chance to sit down and listen (again) to his heart.
• I'm cooking next weekend for a bunch of high school/college people. Which means I get to hang out with them. Which makes me feel young and hopeful. I love convo...and I especially love when it's at our church--it always helps me "see with eyes anew" to quote from my favorite Chad song.
• I spent last weekend in Texas with Chad. I needed the time away. I needed the time with my friend who likes to think he's my big brother. Actually, *I* like to think that, too. I'm grateful for our long, LONG friendship...never picture-perfect (hey, it's us--how could it be?!), but precious and affirming (almost) always.
• My job lately has been overwhelming and stressful and sometimes horrible, but I'm blessed to have a friend who understands and speaks peace and encouragement and integrity and desperately-needed laughter into my life and just diffuses all that stress and horribleness and makes it seem like nothing. Words can't express how grateful I am...I won't even try. It's beyond measure.
• I'm warm tonight. I bought an old handmade quilt at an auction years ago, because I wanted something pretty to hang on the quilt rack my granddad made for me. I needed something warm to take to the retreat this weekend and couldn't find my blanket, so I grabbed this quilt instead. It kept me warm all weekend and I realized how silly it was for me to keep something "for show" when I could snuggle up in it and feel warm and comfy and happy. So, I'm all wrapped up in my "new" old quilt and I'm so happy and comfy, I may start purring any moment.

Reading between the poles...

I've taken a little hiatus lately, because...well, because I really haven't had much to say, which is quite unusual. I took a small, much-needed vacation (really just a long weekend), have spent some time catching up on reading, and I've been working on "perfecting" my knitting skills (which will take a LONG time, since I'm still laboring over the first stitch I learned!)

When I got home Tuesday night, I had well over 100 unread emails in my inbox. I've been weeding through them, reading them a few at a time, and I'm finally caught up...that's a good feeling! As I was scrolling through the last of them today, something happened that made me stop in my tracks and really think.

I'm on an email list from Sojourners--a daily message containing a Bible verse pertaining to social justice and a thought-provoking quote from someone on poverty, justice, peace, etc. The email also contains ads for various Sojo publications, mostly small studies designed for home groups on a variety of socially just subjects. Today's email had an ad for a study on Christians and nonviolence (a subject near and dear to my heart right now, as I explore what it means to be a pacifist in the gun-toting, blow-'em-all-to-hell atmosphere in which our country seems to have found itself lately) and a study called "A Vision for Overcoming Poverty", also a subject I tackle every day--both in my workplace and out in the "real world".

Those subjects inspire me. To think less of myself and more of others. To do more than think. To give up that new movie/pair of earrings/book/coat and act more like the woman I say I am...that one who understands what being a "community" or "body" means, the one whose heart breaks at the thought of people going hungry or not having warm clothing for winter and shares what I have with someone else instead of thinking of my own selfish "wants". I stopped to remember how incredibly blessed I am here in my beautiful little warm house with plenty of food to eat and warm clothing to keep me toasty on cold days. I'm not "wealthy" by the standards of this country, but I'm blessed with more than enough.

And then I clicked to the next email. From MarthaStewart.com. An article, complete with beautiful photos of beautiful food, telling me how to have the most lavish Thanksgiving dinner yet. And decorate my whole house for the occasion with candles and gorgeous (expensive) fabrics and turkey-patterned china and all that good stuff.

Wow. What a contrast. Polar opposites.

My pastor is the former executive director at a not-too-distant rescue mission/homeless shelter. I read "Under the Overpasses" daily. The best thing I've ever done in my life is cook and serve meals to hurting people at God's Katrina Kitchen. For a moment, I pictured the two worlds colliding...perfectly coiffed and polished Martha serving turkey and all the fabulous trimmings on her beautiful china to the men and women at the Mission. Or under the big tent in Gulfport. One of those pendulum swing things...where do we find the balance? I refuse to stop believing that, as Shane says, "another world is possible". It's all around us. But unless we take at least ONE step in that direction, we will never make it.

But the poles are magnets. And somewhere, right in the middle, isn't there a spot where the two magnetic forces, working against each other, will hold a piece of metal in delicate, tenuous balance? That's what I want to see. I want to hang in that balance. Anyone else?

Don't feed the trolls...

...ahh, but it's SO tempting!!

In the past couple of weeks, someone with whom I'm (MOST unfortunately) acquainted but have never (thankfully--and let's keep it that way!) met face-to-face has been posting anonymous ugly, hateful, vengeful, rude comments on the blogs of people whom I love. I was also the victim of Madame Troll's vitriolic spite awhile back.

I guess I shouldn't be amazed that someone who claims to be a believer and spouts scripture to "back up" her crazy-ass rants ("crazy" being the key word here) would waste so much time (even as she accuses other people of wasting time online) attacking people who are "bad" solely by virtue of association.

My natural reaction is to go on the defensive and fight back. I guarantee if it's a battle of words, I'll win, because I know a lot of them...and I can use them well. But is that productive? And does that not put me right in the same category in which I've put her? And maybe worse, because she is, without doubt, suffering from some sort of mental illness--no one in their right mind behaves in such an atrocious manner.

I've never been a fan of the whole "WWJD" thing, because I'm never a fan of mass-produced crap, especially not crap that's supposed to "spread the gospel". Whatev. But in this situation, I have to stop and think about it. How would Jesus, if he had a blog, react in the face of such undeserved hatred? It's not in me to love this woman. It's not really even in me to have the slightest bit of compassion for the obviously wretched life circumstances in which she's found herself (self-created or not).

But God surely has some compassion and love reserved just for her...maybe someday she'll find the person in whom it's been placed. And maybe I can take a miniscule step (not even really a step--maybe just a VERY slight leaning) in that direction by not following the basic instinct I have to invite her to fully engage in battle with me.

This is NOT what I want to do, mind you. But, for the moment, I'm choosing to take the higher ground and give her that "grace of free will" that my beautiful and oh-so-wise girl wrote about here. It's tough, sometimes, to be a lover of God.