Yeah, well.
I have a long-standing love/hate relationship with the whole issue of dating. Historically, it's been: if I'm dating, I (mostly) love it; if I'm not, I (pretty much) hate it. Not so much anymore. Life has a way of changing the way you look at things.
I read the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" for the first time a very long time ago. Hated it. LOATHED it. Thought Joshua Harris was totally full of...THAT stuff. But I was married at the time. Married and full of that "I have someone now, so I feel bad that other people are struggling with this, but...good luck with it!" arrogance that married people seem to assimilate when they cross that no-longer-single threshold. Granted, Joshua Harris was very young and didn't know much about "real" relationships when he wrote the book, but...I was still arrogant. I disagreed with the concept of courtship and I laughed at people who thought it was THE answer.
Fast-forward a few years. I was divorced. My best guy friend, Chad, was also divorced and pursuing a relationship with someone. He read the book. Told me that I needed to read it again with new eyes and, since I usually listen to him when he tells me something's important, I bought a copy and followed his advice. Amazingly enough, it made a whole lot of sense to me...in a way it never did when I was married, because I was where I thought I would never again be: "back on the market". (It makes me cringe to even type those words.)
Now, mind you, I don't buy into the whole "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" philosophy, but I DO agree that the American version of dating is a pretty crappy way of doing business, especially for those of us who are coming at the process from the standpoint of a follower of Jesus. And that's especially true for those of us who are single-again. And don't even get me started on those "singles ministry" things that are nothing but meat markets for the so-called pious. Seriously. Don't get me started.
God really did a number on me last summer when he brought me to the place where I realized that my hope for a relationship had not been in HIM, but in hope itself. I said I believed in God's provision, but when he told me, clearly and distinctly, that I had to put "hope" on an altar and sacrifice it, I was devastated. I cried for days, because if I didn't have this hope, what did I have? MY answer to that question was "nothing". My dreams for the future were built around the strong hope that I had for God to provide my "soulmate" (or at least something close). My dreams weren't built around God. And he summarily knocked them all down with one fell swoop. My new directive: Be content, no matter what my situation (ie, relationship status).
All this to say: I hate the process. I hate the "let's get dressed up and pretend we're wildly funny and intelligent and amazing and fascinating" junk. That's not life. It's stupid and not what we're created for. There's nothing wrong with getting dressed up and having fun, but when it's nothing but a performance, it's just wrong. And we end up marrying someone we don't even know, because we think he/she is really the persona we're dating. It's a game. And I don't do games. Which is probably why I've not had a date in...well, a very long time. ;-)
I love those sweet, epiphanal moments when they happen. I had one recently. I was talking to a friend about how tough it is, no matter on which side of a relationship you find yourself, because neither place is the nirvana we all (on the other side) think it will be. My friend told me that she and her husband are best friends (he says the same thing--isn't that cool?) And I realized that's what I want. My heart's desire is a relationship where I wake up one morning and realize that I've fallen in love with my best friend...and not really know when it happened. No games, no show, no pretenses...no masks.
I'm no longer willing to settle for anything less. Which means I'm probably STILL not going to have a date in a very long time...and that's just fine.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
25 Ties that Bind...
It all started right here on the internet. On that marvelous little social networking site called Facebook. Someone (I don’t even remember which friend it was now) posted a note entitled “25 Random Things About Me” with instructions to write your own list of 25 random things about yourself and “tag” other friends, who in turn will make their own lists and pass it on to THEIR friends…and so on.
It started a firestorm. Every time I checked my new messages, someone else had written a list. And I would learn something I never knew about someone I may have known for YEARS (some of these people I’ve known since kindergarten--a really long time!!) I have friends who’ve done some pretty amazing things in their lives--gone on huge adventures, raised beautiful children, served as foreign missionaries, pastored churches, or battled life-threatening diseases and won the battle. I have friends whose lives have been more placid and less “exciting” but who’ve had strong influence for good in the lives of their children and the people around them. I’m really blessed with some incredible and diverse friends…all over the world.
I have some pretty incredible friends in my church family, too. As I read one friend’s list, though, I realized that I’d just learned more about him in 30 seconds of reading than I had learned in the past couple of years of “knowing” him from church. That’s sad. That's my family. God calls us a “body”. And if He calls us that, I know He expects us to act like one. To really know each other…and that means more than just knowing names and faces. Saying “good morning” as we pass each other on the way to our pew or shaking hands and hugging during “pass the peace” time isn’t all there is to it.
A body is…well, a BODY. Connected. Intertwined. The veins that carry oxygen through the bloodstream to feed cells in my fingertip are the same veins that carry the same oxygen down to my big toe. When someone steps on my foot, my nerve network alerts my entire body…and my entire body reacts to jerk my foot away from the pain. As a living representation of the body of Christ, as the hands and feet and voice of Jesus to this world and to each other, we carry that same responsibility to be connected and intertwined and inseparable from the people in that little “body” of believers we call our church family. When someone is hurting, our “nerve network” should be so attuned to that hurt that we instantly do what is required to alleviate the pain, just as we would instantly do what’s required to alleviate pain in our physical bodies.
I don’t necessarily need to know 25 random things about everyone in my local gathering of Christ-followers (although I wouldn‘t mind!), but I DO want to know my family better. And with that knowledge, I’ll know God better, too.
It started a firestorm. Every time I checked my new messages, someone else had written a list. And I would learn something I never knew about someone I may have known for YEARS (some of these people I’ve known since kindergarten--a really long time!!) I have friends who’ve done some pretty amazing things in their lives--gone on huge adventures, raised beautiful children, served as foreign missionaries, pastored churches, or battled life-threatening diseases and won the battle. I have friends whose lives have been more placid and less “exciting” but who’ve had strong influence for good in the lives of their children and the people around them. I’m really blessed with some incredible and diverse friends…all over the world.
I have some pretty incredible friends in my church family, too. As I read one friend’s list, though, I realized that I’d just learned more about him in 30 seconds of reading than I had learned in the past couple of years of “knowing” him from church. That’s sad. That's my family. God calls us a “body”. And if He calls us that, I know He expects us to act like one. To really know each other…and that means more than just knowing names and faces. Saying “good morning” as we pass each other on the way to our pew or shaking hands and hugging during “pass the peace” time isn’t all there is to it.
A body is…well, a BODY. Connected. Intertwined. The veins that carry oxygen through the bloodstream to feed cells in my fingertip are the same veins that carry the same oxygen down to my big toe. When someone steps on my foot, my nerve network alerts my entire body…and my entire body reacts to jerk my foot away from the pain. As a living representation of the body of Christ, as the hands and feet and voice of Jesus to this world and to each other, we carry that same responsibility to be connected and intertwined and inseparable from the people in that little “body” of believers we call our church family. When someone is hurting, our “nerve network” should be so attuned to that hurt that we instantly do what is required to alleviate the pain, just as we would instantly do what’s required to alleviate pain in our physical bodies.
I don’t necessarily need to know 25 random things about everyone in my local gathering of Christ-followers (although I wouldn‘t mind!), but I DO want to know my family better. And with that knowledge, I’ll know God better, too.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
My encouragement for the day...
...and any other day I'm feeling blah/purposeless/crabby/useless:
The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion -- to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
- Isaiah 61:1-3
The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion -- to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
- Isaiah 61:1-3
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Happy 2009!!
New Year's Eve at the Snyder home. It's always a crazy costume party. Theme for this year was: Christmas movie characters.
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