So, say someone dear to you (a fellow believer) has done something "wrong"--either immoral, illegal, or just plain stupid...doesn't really matter--and they've asked you to bail them out of the situation. They've dug themselves in so deep that the only way they're going to get out of it is take one more step in the process of immorality/illegality/stupidity, with YOU as their facilitator. There's light at the end of the tunnel and you can see the hope of it, but it's a one-way tunnel and there's no back-tracking the way they came in.
You have the ability to do the "digging out" for them. What do you do? Does yet another "wrong" make a lot of "right"? If you choose to NOT do it, what kind of blood does that potentially put on your hands? Or does it put anything at all on your hands, since this was their mess to begin with? What does the whole "body of Christ" concept say here? If we are truly operating as a BODY, how much of this mess is MY mess as well? How much can we separate/compartmentalize--and potentially justify away--our responsibility to care for our "body"?
And where (if, indeed, there IS this point...and I believe there is somewhere) do you draw the line and say "no more"? How do you know when you just have to say "I'm sorry", close your eyes, shed your tears, and let them fall? I'm not sure how to know if you're walking close enough to God to hear his voice if he says "stop NOW". I guess I'm afraid of getting so sucked into someone else's mess that I'm not going to be able to discern God's voice because my compassion has clogged up my ears.
Thoughts???
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5 comments:
Tough one.
I know about enabling, and have been wrestling with this myself lately after having to say "no" to a request for money. Did I have the money? Yeah. Was it much? No. She called because she needed help, but was the money what would really have been helpful to her? I don't think so. I doubt she would have understood my reasons, and I really struggled afterward (feeling guilty, wondering if I did the right thing, etc.). But in that particular situation, this person has gotten to where she is (a position of total dependence on others and with no understanding of boundaries and the parameters of her own responsibility for herself) by repeatedly being bailed out by others, so I don't believe that doing it one more time is something that is good and loving.
In your situation, I don't know. I'll be honest though--I can't imagine a situation in which the only way out is by taking one more "wrong" step. Is it really the "only" way out, or is it just the easiest/quickest?
On the other hand, if this way out involves something that's not really black/white moral, it might be silly to be legalistic about it. (As a kid, I always wondered, "If someone broke into our house and wanted to know where my parents were hiding so he could kill them, would it be wrong for me to lie to him?" Uh, probably not.)
But in general, I don't believe God only leaves us one, immoral way out of a sticky situation--especially if that sticky situation is of our own making. If your friend wants you to do something wrong just to alleviate him/her having to face the consequences of his/her own wrong choices, then you probably shouldn't do it.
And (as if I haven't already rambled enough) I personally don't think the body of Christ is really the issue here. We bear each other's burdens, but each one of us carries her own load (that's in there somewhere). We are alone held responsible for our own actions, and there's nothing that says we bear any responsibility to rescue someone else from their consequences. We can love them and show them the truth and give the grace and be there for them while they're going through it and are hurting, but that's not the same thing as compromising ourselves so they don't have to face something that they maybe need to face in order to grow and move forward.
what would you have them do for you if the situations were reversed?
I think I would like for my friend to do exactly what I chose to do: a)help me immediately by bailing me out of the situation, b)set firm boundaries for this type of situation, should it ever crop up again (it had better not!), and c)choose to stand beside me and love me without a shred of condemnation, mess and all, even if that means they get a little messy themselves.
After much thought, I've determined that part of my personal dilemma in this situation was wondering "what might people think?" and I've come to the conclusion that it simply doesn't matter. And, I've also come to the conclusion that my "bailing out" action wasn't really making me complicit, because the action had already happened--my part was just mopping up the mess.
I have peace about it and, if I chosen to say "no"...? No way.
good for you, dena.
good for you.
Sounds like you did the right thing. Doesn't matter what other people think.
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