...causes sparks.
I've been studying quite a bit lately about "intentional community". I'm fascinated by the concept...so much so that I honestly don't think I would be opposed to living in a community/group-living situation. Of course, I like my "space", too, so what seems ideal right now, after too many years of just me and the cat, might prove a bit more than I could handle for more than a week or so. I'd like to try it, though...seems like it would be extended-stay church camp. Until someone used my toothpaste. Or borrowed the book I was reading. Or ate "my" last banana.
We have a community of sorts (well, it IS "community"--we just don't live together) in our small group. It's been a psychology student/people-watcher's dream to see how our various lives have melded together into one body. It's fluid. Unexpected things happen. God shows up in our midst. We laugh. We cry. We talk about deep, "relevant" issues. And sometimes about sports. (Well, usually about sports and other deep, relevant issues.) ;-) We eat good stuff. We love each other.
We don't, however, always like each other, I think. Personalities clash. Politics make ugly "body-fellows" at times. We don't always understand one another...and sometimes we don't even try.
And yet, we're sticking together. Even with our clashing personalities and political views and differing opinions. And I see God at work...even amidst the sometimes-flying sparks. I know I've been changed. And it's been good. Even when it's been tough.
And I don't have to worry about anyone using my toothpaste.
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Good stuff. I've been thinking a lot about community this week--it was the topic of a conference at our church last week, and God's been revealing to me how much I've been holding my heart back from people. It's painful to realize, but I'm grateful because I don't want to be here anymore.
Audio of the teachings is available online, if you're looking for some good stuff on community. Larry Crabb was one of the speakers, and he was awesome.
http://www.xenos.org/xsi/resources.htm#2007
oh me oh my. i can't believe you posted this. intentional community has been HEAVY on my heart for almost a year now and growing stronger. i just wanted to pop in before work and see if you've updated and you've got something great like this!
i'll be back...
I'll listen, E--thanks. :-)
I do really well about not holding my heart back and then I get stabbed in a really tender spot and my initial reaction is immediate retreat into "safety" and I absolutely LOATHE that place.
Somewhere, there must be a balance between transparency and bleeding to death. My personal belief is that, somehow, if we truly believed all the stuff we spout about being the "body" of Christ, we would realize that when we stab someone else, we're stabbing ourselves--we just aren't "getting" the connectedness.
I don't know that actual living-together community would remedy any of that...it seems to me that it might. If we had to live up-close and personal with the damage we cause by our hurtful words/actions, we might have second thoughts prior to inflicting the wounds. Maybe??
And it's not just about damage control--it goes both ways. As we love one another and encourage one another in close proximity, it seems reasonable to believe that our love might grow exponentially and others might see what we're about...and we might grow the church in the "right" way for once.
Jon...looking forward to whatever you have to say!
I think it's awesome that you "loathe" that place of safety, even if it is your gut instinct place to run. I want to loathe that place, but I've found that I like it too much for awhile until, months later, I realize I've become completely numb.
"Somewhere, there must be a balance between transparency and bleeding to death."
Yes, I've been wrestling with this very thing. On that link, check out the teaching called "Cultivating a Tender Heart." For me, it was the best teaching I heard the whole week, and it was about this very thing. He talked about "the paradox of toughness and tenderness" (i.e., the need for some degree of toughness to be able to withstand the beating we sometimes take as a result of giving our heart away in love for people, and yet maintaining a tenderness toward people. Seems mutually exclusive, but he argues that it isn't.). Anyway, it's really good.
Okay, I'll stop talking about my church now :)
So, what do you do when you're the (UNintentional) stabber and your "victim" has retreated to a very distant place of his or her own and you're left with blood on your hands and grief--yours AND theirs--in your heart? I loathe THAT place of safety, too, because I can't enter it.
Laying down my knife...wanting to never pick it back up again...fearing I will...longing for healing.
Good question. Is there really much difference, though? I imagine that you'd still have to fight against the urge to protect yourself, because their retreating from you would be hurtful to you on some level. Personally, I'd really want to pull away from them just like they're pulling away from me. And actually, I think this is partly what's happened in my situation...both me and the other person feel hurt and somewhat abandoned by the other. It's messy and complicated and not easy to point out who's the good guy and who's the bad guy, you know? And you're right, that when we hurt someone else, it hurts us, so in the end I think it amounts to the same thing.
And if you truly are guilty in this situation, the battle is between you and God (or between your flesh and what's true) as much as it is between you and the other person. You might not be able to draw them out of their place of safety, and that can be really painful. But if you can't have true reconciliation (because they don't want it), then I think it's a question of grace and what's true...planting your feet "in heavenly places," like Charlie says, and believing what God says about you, even in the screaming face of your guilt and shame.
I hate knowing I've hurt someone else, but those are the times when God really takes me to the woodshed about the question of His grace. And whether I really, when it comes down to it, believe it more than I believe in my own righteousness. I'm not sure what's more shocking--the fact that I'm capable of hurting people, or the fact that I'm surprised when I do it.
It IS very painful to me--you're right. The fact that someone is recoiling from me is enough to make me want to retreat, too. But I can't allow myself to be reactionary--this is too important.
So, I'm planting my feet in those heavenly places and trusting what God has to say about me. :-)
Hi Dena,
I am Nate, Jon's brother. Ran across a comment you made on my blog, and did not realize you were the Blooming Most recklessly on Something Else's community. But intentional community is something Jon and I have been discussing on hwo to create it. We all need the connection that being in contact with other believers brings. But how to do it? That is the challenge we are looking at. I will check out Erin's link.
Also, the tender heart, getting hurt. The last time that happened to me was when a person that I had purchased $50 worth of groceries and got his rent paid for the month, wlked out and said, "tell Nate to kiss my black ass." Not the type of gratitude I was expecting. So, I chose to do things without ever expecting and gratitude again. Doing without being appreciated. Doing becuase it was my choice, not an obligation to my morality. If people show gratitude, I am thankful, but if they reject me, I almost expect it and don't care. But I do not stop helping. It has come to be who I am. Thanks for the posting. I will start to visit on a regular basis, and intentionally try to be part of your community. If that is OK with you. If not, you can tell me to get lost, I won't be offended, and you won't be the first.
Nate...welcome to the community. :-) I am most delighted to have your voice here. I'm a mostly-silent observer of several blogs--yours is one of them. I appreciate what you have to say...you are welcome here.
Ack! "mostly-silent" = no no, fellow grammar nerd. I correct because I care; I hope you're not offended :) No hyphenating compound adjectives if the first word is an adverb ending in -ly.
Just a little grammar nugget to brighten your day :)
Offended? Silly thing...you're enlightening me--how could I possibly be offended?! ;-)
I stand corrected.
Thanks for the GOOD grammar nugget!
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