Why does life hurt so badly sometimes?

I was talking to a friend tonight who is going through a really tough time dealing with some issues with his ex-wife...one of those situations where, when given an opportunity to wound, she seizes it. My friend is trying to honor the Lord in his dealings with her, but there's always that temptation to strike back--I know it well from my own battles.

Even though I've been there and even though I've often prayed that God would give me the opportunity to speak peace and comfort to someone else walking a path I've walked, it still seems so...I don't know--condescending? I'm not sure that's exactly the word I'm looking for. He is hurting so badly and I'm past the "bad" hurt (most of the time) and when I try to encourage him, I FEEL like I sound like I'm saying "look at me, see how far I've come", instead of "look at what God has done in my life to heal me and change me and bring me past the junk". I feel like I sound self-righteous when I tell him that he WILL get past this and have peace and that his children will respect their dad as they grow up seeing him act in a Godly way towards their mother.

I'm just constantly reminded in situations like this why God hates divorce...He knows how it breaks our hearts. He knows the repercussions we, and our children, live with the rest of our lives. His grace IS sufficient to heal the wounds, but we still carry the scars.

Baby, It's Cold...Inside!

It's a chilly 62 degrees in my house this morning. My furnace quit working around 9:00 last night and, unfortunately, it wasn't as simple as relighting the pilot light this time.

After spending about fifteen minutes trying to do just that and watching the little flame flicker and go out every time I let go of the button (and after being told I sounded like the dad on "Christmas Story" when he's having "furnace issues"!), I gave up, stomped back upstairs, wrapped up in blankets and turned on the space heater.

I'm REALLY glad the weather is warmer now than it was over the weekend--while I was gone, the temperature in my house dropped to 45...my poor cat was glad for her fur coat!!

My fingers are COLD...time for some coffee. Maybe if I just stick my fingers down in the mug.... ;-)

The book challenge thing...

I've taken the challenge...

I've gotten out of the habit of reading as prolifically as I once did and I want to find my way back to, at least, a "middle ground"...where I might not spend ALL my free time with my nose in a book, but at least not all my time with my eyes glued to the computer screen. Since I don't have cable, you'd think I would read more, but then there's NetFlix and all the movies I've missed the past few years because I absolutely loathe going to a theater to see a movie by myself.

So, I'm reading. Here's what I've read so far this year:

1) A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett. I didn't know he was an author until I received this book as a gift (thanks, Becky M.) It was actually pretty good--entertaining to say the least.

2) Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. I LOVE the Space Trilogy...some of the best books I've ever read. This is the first book in the trilogy. Not as good as Perelandra (what is?), but good nonetheless.

3) Dream Big by Lisa Hammond. She started the mail-order company Femail Creations (one of my favorite e-places to shop!) and this is the story of how she achieved her dream...a good "pep talk" book for anyone who dreams of starting their own business someday.

4) Chasing Daylight by Eugene O'Kelley. He was the CEO of KPMG, one of the "big 5" accounting firms. He was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer in May 2005 and died in September. This is the story of his death...how he literally spent the last five months of his life living like he was dying (something we should all be doing, eh?) He made the most of every day, met with all the friends and family he could in order to say goodbye while he was still able, and spent time doing what he loved with the people he loved. He wrote all but the last chapter of the book himself--his wife wrote the final chapter after his death.

5) The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. (I seem to be reading a lot about dreams lately!) I'm not a Wilkinson fan, because...well, for a variety of reasons which really have nothing to do with this book or the list, so I won't even start, but this wasn't too bad for a "five simple steps to put God in a box and make Him make you successful" kind of book (oops, I said I wouldn't even start, didn't I?! Sorry...) I don't think this book will change my life in any way, but it had a nice little "parable" attached to it and it was on sale, so I didn't lose much.

Currently reading (I'm a multi-tasker even when it comes to reading...):
6) Scale Down by Danna Demetre.
7) Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller (the man who laughed when I proposed to him...what kind of reaction is THAT to a marriage proposal?!!) ;-)
8) The Journey of Desire by John Eldridge.

I may not make it to 50, but I'm going to make an effort.

Figuring it out...

So, tonight I learned how to edit titles in the sidebar AND how to add some links. I vaguely remember some of this from computer programming classes back...let's just say a LONG time ago--when BASIC, FORTRAN and COBOL were the things to know. (Suddenly, I feel really old.)

I've been reminded how much I hate reading instructions. I am not a learning-by-reading person, which is strange because I love to read. But I read the instructions tonight and followed each step and it worked! Amazing how the directions, if correctly followed, lead to the desired end result.

And amazing how we (meaning me, of course) so often think we can plow through God's instruction manual, picking and choosing which parts we'll follow and which parts we think we can leave out...and then be amazed when the text of our lives is full of junk.

...blooming.... 

...Blooming Most Recklessly...

...Blooming Most Recklessly...

So...here I am, a late "bloomer" in the blogging world, finally caving in to the peer pressure and having absolutely no clue what I'm doing--yet. I'll figure it out, though...definitely through trial and probably through error. When I figure out the whole photo-posting thing, I'll try that, too.

I wanted to use "Myself When I am Real" as the name of my blog, but a LOT of people are already using that (so much for thinking I was "original" in my idea to pirate the name from Bebo). So...I chose part of a quote from one of my favorite poets/writers, Rainer Maria Rilke, whom I may be quoting regularly for awhile, since he's a current addiction.

I'm not sure what this blog will end up looking like...it won't be a "Dear Diary, today I...." kind of thing, I'm relatively certain. I'm all about randomosity (one of my favorite words that I wasn't really sure WAS a "real" word, but a lot of other people think it is, so it must be...)--I'll probably be just as surprised as anyone else when I see what ends up here. For now....a Rilke poem that I LOVE:

I live my life in growing rings
which move out over the things around me.
Perhaps I'll never complete the last,
but that's what I mean to try.

I'm circling around God, around the ancient tower,
and I've been circling thousands years;
and I still don't know: am I a falcon, a storm
or a great song.