I was talking to a friend tonight who is going through a really tough time dealing with some issues with his ex-wife...one of those situations where, when given an opportunity to wound, she seizes it. My friend is trying to honor the Lord in his dealings with her, but there's always that temptation to strike back--I know it well from my own battles.
Even though I've been there and even though I've often prayed that God would give me the opportunity to speak peace and comfort to someone else walking a path I've walked, it still seems so...I don't know--condescending? I'm not sure that's exactly the word I'm looking for. He is hurting so badly and I'm past the "bad" hurt (most of the time) and when I try to encourage him, I FEEL like I sound like I'm saying "look at me, see how far I've come", instead of "look at what God has done in my life to heal me and change me and bring me past the junk". I feel like I sound self-righteous when I tell him that he WILL get past this and have peace and that his children will respect their dad as they grow up seeing him act in a Godly way towards their mother.
I'm just constantly reminded in situations like this why God hates divorce...He knows how it breaks our hearts. He knows the repercussions we, and our children, live with the rest of our lives. His grace IS sufficient to heal the wounds, but we still carry the scars.
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Hmm...I'm trying to think about this instead of just blurting out my gut response, but this is a hard one! I have felt that way, too (that I'm patronizing someone instead of encouraging them in the midst of their pain), and I haven't quite figured out if that's legitimate or if it's a lie. I know that God's truth is powerful, and that it's what we need to hear when we're hurting, even if (maybe especially when) it goes against our feelings in the moment. However, the way we communicate the truth often makes all the difference--the right truth can come across the wrong way and make someone feel even worse if we're not careful. But I do think that Satan oftentimes can try to convince us NOT to give someone God's truth by telling us that our motives are bad, that we're being condescending, etc., because maybe it IS what the person needs to hear and he's trying to get in the way of that. It can take some real discernment to tell the difference sometimes.
I recently had a friend remind me that "it's not about you." (I need to hear that fairly often, i think!) God works through me in ways I often don't see or don't agree with ("What do you mean you're using my SIN to help this person grow?? You're supposed to be using my amazing spirituality to help people, not my weaknesses to get on their nerves to teach them patience--that's ridiculous!"), but I've had to be reminded constantly that it is still God's work, not mine. So when it feels like I'm bragging when I'm sharing about what God is doing in my life or ministry or something, I think that's typically a lie. It's appropriate to get excited about what God has done. 2 Corinthians chapters 2-5 have been super cool for me to read lately (God has been doing a lot of COOL things, ministry/evangelism-wise in and around me) because Paul is super fired up, but is clearly aware of what is his part and what is God's part in his ministry.
2 Cor 3:4-6
"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."
Divorce. Where do I begin. I did my college pursuasive paper on divorce and how the church in America has let it become something that is of the norm. Never would we dare talk about divorce being anything but allowable becaue we would step on the toes of 60% of the church. Now I do understand sometimes it must be done, but it angers me that the church today claims they are trying to preserve the sanctity of marriage yet they seem to allow what is truly destroying it. It, and the millions of lives (especially children's) that it effects.
Thanks, Erin...that's what I needed to hear. :-) I'm SOOOO incompetent by myself, but God HAS made me a competent minister, able to walk alongside someone who's going through a situation similar to one in my past. It's hard sometimes, though, to get past the lies.
And, nfb, I agree with you about the church...when I went through my divorce, besides my long-time close friends, there were a FEW people who came to me and offered their support and sympathy, but aside from my pastor, no one suggested counseling or even mentioned reconciliation...no one suggested that I should try to preserve my marriage.
Maybe everyone saw long before I did that reconciliation wasn't going to be an option, but I doubt that.
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