I've just spent the last 30 minutes turning my house upside down, looking for the spare wireless router that I KNOW is here somewhere. Verizon sent me 2 of them when they had my account all messed up and I kept the extra one, because I thought I might need it someday. I don't need the router, but I DO need a Westell wireless card, because...well, because the Verizon website says I do in order to get the wireless stuff to run on my new laptop. I didn't need one for my OLD laptop. Don't ask me why.
I just want the stupid thing to run--I don't care what makes it work...it just needs to work. I've spent way too much time trying to read tech stuff (gives me a headache) and figure out the problem...and now that I've figured it out, I don't have what I need to solve it. So, I've unplugged the ethernet cable from my desktop computer and connected my laptop directly to the router so I can sit comfortably on my couch and bitch.
So...I have too much STUFF. Junk. Crap. And things that aren't really junk that I've kept for a variety of sentimental or guilty or wishful reasons, but don't need at all. My closets are full of boxes. My back porch is full of boxes. My basement is full of boxes. Of stuff. Clothes that I'm too fat to wear. Books that I'll never read again. Old greeting cards, newspaper clippings from years past, cake-smudged napkins from weddings of people who've been divorced for years (probably some of my own in there!) Gifts I've received and didn't really care for, but felt guilted into keeping. Things I used to collect (milk bottles, hay hooks, chamber pots, carnival glass, chicken stuff, old crocks). Scraps of wood and wallpaper from my remodelling project. And somewhere, buried in the midst of all of it...a wireless router that I'll find someday when I'm looking for a chamber pot. ;-) Stuff.
We've been talking lately about "generational curses"...what that means, how to recognize them, how to "break" them. I'm not sure that "curse" is even the right word...some of the things we've been talking about ARE unhealthy patterns, mindsets, behaviors, but I'm still debating on how I feel about calling them "curses"--not sure how that adds up with being under grace. Still thinking on that. At any rate, I know that I suffer from inheriting my granddad's penchant for pack-rattedness. He kept everything. Everything. Living through the Depression does that to you, I guess. My mom's the same way. And my aunt. And so is my sister. I didn't escape the "family tradition". But I'm trying to break that cycle. I've done much de-cluttering of my life the past couple of years. And, apparently, I'm ready to do more. I was so frustrated tonight, I was ready to fling open the front door and start setting things out on the lawn for passers-by to remove from my life.
I often read, and sometimes quote, a guy named Joshua, whom I've never met and probably never will. If you want to be challenged, touched, amused, and otherwise affected, read his blog. And if you want to be challenged, as I've been, to think about what's really important in life, read this . Kind of makes all that stuff in my basement seem pretty icky and...well, NON-essential. I'm ready for this suffocation to end. I'm ready to start setting myself free of them so I can truly be free. If I spend all of my time worrying about/thinking about my possessions, how does that line up with Scripture? Ummm...it doesn't. Bottom line.
As for that wireless router and card--well, I'm online right now and seem to be managing quite well with an ethernet cable instead of a wireless card, so I think I'm just going to sit back and be grateful for this bright yellow cord and not worry about what I don't have/can't find. And tomorrow, it's back to working on simplifying/paring down. I need to have space to breathe again.
REALLY good stuff from Joshua: All of the non-essentials are nice to have, but are not necessary for living. When I start thinking that I can’t live without any of those items, that’s when I have to really reevaluate my priorities. Because if I don’t have them, tomorrow is still going to happen. Tomorrow will still come. If I lose something, it’s fine. Tomorrow will still come. If something gets stolen, it’s ok. If I or someone else breaks something, life will continue. We will be ok.
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2 comments:
i have often thought about how much 'stuff', and my inherant dependance on it, chains me to this world. many times i have wanted to simlpy walk away from it all, but i realize how i have no concept of how to live without it. and then it makes me sad. and very jealous of the amish. and i wonder if they would take me and my family and allow us to live on the outskirts of one of their communities and teach us their survival techniques. so i can start doing for myself and others and stop having to work a worthless job to make some other asshole money in order to get a small amount for myself in order to buy useless things that make life "simpler".
but you know, seriously, the idea of simply walking away from this american system and life and culture that is so dependant on stuff gets more and more appealing every day. i just wish i knew how to do it.
You ARE a brother, indeed, Jon. :-) I don't know how many times I've said I would like to be Amish, except I wouldn't want to have to live without my computer and iPod. And maybe my KitchenAid stand mixer. And my digital camera. And...well. Lots of "ands". And therein lies the problem, eh?
Have you read "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne? That book is seriously kicking my butt. Not only does he talk about how to live in community with others (he live among the less-blessed in inner-city Philadelphia), he talks a lot about practical ways to actually get UNdependent on the American way of doing life.
From what I know of you, your heart seems to lean toward the idea of "community" as mine does (am I right about that?) We may not be able to turn our lives upside down tomorrow and abandon it all, but there are definitely "baby steps" we can start taking in that direction. It's exciting to dream about...and realize I might actually get there someday.
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