It seems like God often speaks to me most clearly through music...maybe that's just because there's always music playing in my world--if I'm not listening to my CD player or Ipod or radio, the most recent tracks are replaying themselves over and over in my head...there's a lyric and a tune to fit every mood and situation.
So...I recently made a compilation CD of songs which have been constant companions through some of my darker days--songs which remind me that, even though life is, at times, incredibly tough, and God seems all-too-distant and aloof, nothing (NOTHING) happens without His knowledge.
I primarily choose to believe that most of the crap I have to slog through is a result of (either myself or someone else) stepping out of His perfect/best plan and into those "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" areas which lead to walking through a lot of brambles and bogs to get back where I'm supposed to be, but...I don't think that's really always the case.
Back to my compilation CD--one of the songs I included is a song by Layton Howerton called "Beauty Marks". Of course I can't find the liner notes from his CD, so I can't post the entire song, but I'll post the pertinent lines. It's funny how you listen to something hundreds of times and then one day, out of the blue, the words just punch you in the stomach so hard that they nearly knock you to the ground.
The song is about the "beauty marks" God leaves on us through His work in our lives...the things that other people perceive as scars. The chorus says:
Bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
These wrinkles above my brow
Are not the product of a scowl,
It came from being seasoned,
Sifted with purpose and reason,
So bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
If you look upon my face,
See flaws in this canvas of grace,
They're simply God's beauty marks.
So, I've loved this song for about two years and have listened to it often. It's always given me peace in the midst of the storm (one of the verses talks about the "coming storm"). Yesterday, I was listening to it and the words "sifted with purpose and reason" hit me HARD. It was like I was driving into a neon billboard with two huge words flashing in my face: PURPOSE. REASON.
I haven't had much to say lately because I've been in a place where I just didn't know WHAT to say...I'm still not sure that I know. I don't think I can describe the "sifting" process I've been going through the past week or so...it's just been TOUGH. Part of the reason I made that CD in the first place was to have a constant reminder of God's presence when I can't feel Him there in the dark with me....and it's been DARK.
I'm strangely comforted by the fact that God HAS chosen to sift me...purposefully, deliberately, knowingly...and for His reasons, whatever they may be. That knowledge is a place of peace. And I need peace right now.
Bring it on.
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2 comments:
Ooh, I like! For some reason, that reminds me of Charlie's "Expression" song:
If it were me, I'd hang my head
and try to cover my face
But according to You,
she's got her feet planted in heavenly places...
More about grace than suffering, but still--I love that contrast between the world's perspective (where the marks look like scars we should hide and be ashamed of) and God's perspective (where we're pots getting cracked so we can show more and more of His glory).
It also reminds me of the Derek Webb song "medication." The lyrics of that song really struck me when I was in the middle of some serious suffering, and was struggling with the temptation to run and numb myself rather than facing the pain and letting it change me. I posted the lyrics here: http://www.xanga.com/ErinK1020/299147127/item.html
Dena, thanks for your post. I appreciate the honesty and transparency. There are brighter days ahead, and may nothing but gold remain when the sifting is done!
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