Help Me Out Here...

I've been listening a lot lately to a new-to-me group called The Cobalt Season. Once again, I've found someone speaking a language I know...these are lyrics that resonate deeply with me and all the uneasiness/unsettledness I've been experiencing lately. I just keep thinking "there's something more, there's something you're almost getting"...this is part of it. Where DO we go from here? Where do *I* go from here? If I say I believe it but do nothing (or maybe very little...or maybe even some) to back up my words, does that make me worse than an unbeliever? Frankly, I'm tired of ignoring it. Or pushing it aside, promising I'll look at it another day.

Help Me Out Here--The Cobalt Season

Rain fallin’ down on my face
Wash me clean; wash my sins away
And take me back where I used to run
So fast and free, like the Kingdom Come
Just like the Kingdom Come

Still we go marchin’ on, blood on our hands
Dirt on our skin, heads in the sand
In some other time or in the here-and-now
How far will we go? All that we allow

Help me out here…I’m getting tired
Help me out here…I’m getting tired

Pardon me if I say too much
I could never ignore that which I ought not touch
And curiosity might be all I got
And some cynicism from experience wraught
My experience brought me here

They say we must go on, never lookin’ back
Lest we ever learn the wisdom we lack
And curiosity, it might be my death
Though I may rest from time to time to catch my breath

Help me out here…I’m getting tired

And all that we need to see
And all those we need to hear
We tie their hands behind their backs and look away

Yes we tear the shirt right off their back
Then we donate cash for all they lack
Fancy ourselves philanthropists; save justice for another day

And we wonder how we got so far
Making money off each other’s scars
“Still it’s never my fault, I mean what other options did I have?”

Buying someone else’s tyrannic dreams
Of force and greed and foolish schemes
When there is Light to help illuminate the Way

Still we choose to tell each other lies
That this Kingdom can never be realized
The Master never could have meant the words he said

Where do we go from here? God only knows
Or perhaps that’s just a bunch bullshit spiritual prose
Perhaps we’re the ones we’ve been waiting for
Perhaps God has been just waiting at our door
He’s waiting at the door
And I’ll try to be the first to tell you when I’m wrong
I’ll write a book about it right here in my song
Here is where I start to try and start again
Learning to become a father and a friend

Help me out here…I’m getting tired

"Does Somebody Need a Hug...?"

Yeah. Somebody does.

I've had this song in my head all day...pretty much sums it up. Better than I could at this moment.

"Holy Water"--Big and Rich
She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
And unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

Excerpt from Real time with Bill Maher 08-31-2007

I consider myself to be mostly anti-political anymore, so it's kind of strange that I'm suggesting anyone watch Bill Maher talking about politics, but...this is actually good stuff.

John Mellencamp makes some really good comments about the naivete of Americans in general and Americans in the midwest in specific. (And the whole time he's talking, even though I agree with him, I couldn't help singing to myself "Ain't that America?...Little pink houses for you and for me...") ;-)

Maybe I'm more political than I think I am. Maybe this has more to do with "culture" issues than it does with politics.

At any rate, if you have 10 minutes to spare, you should watch it--at least the first 8 minutes. It kind of disintegrates after that.

Totally random, unrelated things recently capturing my attention...

It's been a crazy week. Crazy month. I think I could safely say, even, that it's been a crazy year. Or maybe I just have a crazy life and have only recently grown aware of that fact. At any rate, things have seemed jumbled and mismatched lately. Kind of like my thoughts. Kind of like this:

• The Cubs are in first place in the National League Central. The (former world champion--hey, was that just last year?) Cardinals have been ELIMINATED. The Brewers are 2 games back. And...correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it September? Aren't we supposed to be in last place by now? Or so goes the Cardinal fan's favorite slam.
• Some of my friends and I had a rummage sale today. First one I've had in probably almost 20 years. Now I remember WHY I quit having rummage sales. (I've been told by a "foreigner" to the Midwest that "rummage sale" is a silly name...it should be "garage sale" or "yard sale". Well, we had this one in the garage and the yard, but we sold "rummage", not the garage or the yard, so...I'm stickin' with "rummage sale". Or maybe "grummage sale"--I've grown fond of that new word, coined just for the occasion. Just don't call it a "tag sale", please--no one's selling tags.) Whatever you want to call it, I made almost $250 today, so I'm happy. And I now have 8 beautiful, formerly-full RubberMaid Rough Totes just waiting to be filled with stuff priced for the next sale.
• I was reminded Thursday of a friend who died 15 years ago. To this day, his death remains one of the experiences that has affected me most profoundly. I know he suffered and I know he had bad days, but I've never seen anyone face the dying process with such courage and grace and beauty. I've always been grateful that God allowed me to be part of his life...and I've always been grateful to my friend for allowing me to walk part of the way with him on that journey...and now I'm grateful for being reminded again of his beautiful life.
• NakedPastor, one of my daily blog reads, has been saying some pretty thought-provoking stuff lately. He is a pastor I admire most deeply because of his transparencies--he's not afraid, even, of admitting his (gasp!!) doubts about faith issues/God. He challenges me. He says things I've thought and were too afraid to admit that I'd thought them. It's pretty validating, actually, to hear that other people are stumbling through life just like I am. This "body" of ours tends to lean toward pasting on the happy mask and pretending things are "JUST GREAT!!!!" when they're anything but. Thanks, David, for tearing off your mask...your actions are giving me permission to peel another layer of my own back and see what's really lurking behind the false face(s).
• I was given a truly amazing gift last night. My friend Mack, who is eight, is a Cubs fan, too. He had four Ryne Sandberg baseball cards and he knows that Ryno is my ALL-TIME favorite baseball player (I even have a Sandberg jersey). Mack gave me one of his Sandberg baseball cards...out of the blue. Just because. No pomp and circumstance, no pretty wrappings, no "hey, look what I'm doing"--he just quietly walked up and matter-of-factly handed it to me. I cried. Pretty sure *I* learned a lesson last night. I think we could all stand a few lessons like that.
• I have a great life. Things are pretty tough right now, for a variety of reasons which are truly beyond my control, but all in all, I'm grateful for most of it. And glad I don't feel like a hypcrite when I wear one of my "Life is Good" shirts.
• I like bulleted lists. Makes me feel very "Erin-ish". ;-)
• That's all.
• For now.
• Stay tuned.
• For more.
• :-)

It's a beautiful sight...

I just watched a great radar video that shows a swirling "Tropical Depression Ten" hitting the Gulf coast and then dissipating into a random bunch of harmless clouds. Okay, so I'm a weather geek--fascinated by radar and clouds. I readily confess. But more than that, I'm a lover of people...and infinitely grateful that people I've grown to love over the past year are safe and sound.

Storm update...

The "thing" over the Gulf has now been updated to a subtropical depression...Subtropical Depression Ten to be exact (not big enough for a "real" name, but big enough!)

The center of the storm should hit the Mississippi coast around noon tomorrow, according to the stormtracker I'm watching on the National Weather Service website. Possible sustained winds of 39-73 mph. And there's another storm system coming in behind that...further out, moving slowly, may not develop any further.

Trying to not worry...failing miserably.

Please, not again...

This is an image from the National Weather Service from last night. At last update on their site, conditions were favorable for this system to become a tropical or subtropical cyclone (not sure of the difference between the two--maybe the level of intensity?) in the next 24 hours.

The Florida panhandle is already being affected...and you can see where this system is heading--directly for the Gulf coast.

People I love dearly are in the path of this storm system. People who haven't even come close to recovering from the emotional and physical devastations of Katrina are in the path of this storm system. This is NOT another Katrina, but it has to be frightening nonetheless for the Katrina survivors who are still rebuilding after 2 years.

Take me out to the ballgame...

So, I needed a brief respite from the doom and gloom of the past few posts.

How 'bout those Cubbies?!!! Still in first place in the NL Central. Just 1.5 games up, but they're holding on. Both Milwaukee and St Louis lost tonight...the Astros beat the Cards 18-1. I had to watch the game recap just to make sure I was really seeing it correctly! Still trying not to gloat... ;-) St Louis is actually close to being eliminated from the division race. Too bad the Brewers aren't that close---yet.

Go Cubs!!! :-)

Is this your church?

I'm starting to believe it's mine. I'm disgruntled in a BIG way. And I'm not apologizing for it...at least not right now. This is actually written by missionary currently in the Ukraine. Same kinda crap all over the world, eh?

I am NOT "in rebellion", although I'm relatively certain I'm "fixin" to be labelled as such, if I haven't been already. I love "THE church"--I even love the people who attend the Sunday morning gathering to which I've been attached for a LONG time. I'm just not all that crazy about that environment right now. And I have questions. LOTS of them.

Ask the wrong questions, and you’re labeled a heretic, and eventually forced out of the church. Many of the churches here have long lists of people who were ex-communicated for exactly these reasons.
Why is it that the churches all say “We have the answer”, but don’t want to hear the questions? They have answers to questions that nobody is asking, but the real questions scare them.
We were talking about what we would like to see in our church, and how we want to create an environment where people are comfortable asking questions - about anything - without fear of condemnation.
We are trying to start this process by asking some of these questions ourselves, in church, to show people that asking questions is not rebellion, despite what they may have been taught at other churches.

He SAYS he's from New Jersey...

...but I think this blogger MUST be a member of my church!! Or at least has a direct line to someone on the "inside" who's feeding him material. God help us. I'll refrain from more comment than that for the time being. He says:

- any church whose agenda is to make converts will have a hell of a time convincing me that they don't see outsiders as potential notches in their collective bible.
- submission to one another as a behavioral pattern is not easily compatible with the idea of taking your city/state/country for Christ.
- it's not right to throw stones at people, even if they're real bastards and shoot arrows at you first.

Whatever else you do today...

...WATCH THIS VIDEO!!! Oh...and you might want to first make sure you have no liquid in your mouth--I nearly spit coffee on my screen.
CHURCH ATTENDANCE

Blood Diamonds

I just finished watching "Blood Diamond", the Leonardo DeCaprio movie about the brutal, bloody, illegal diamond mining/smuggling operations in Africa. Just call me another head-buried-in-the-sand American, I guess. I've known about the "blood diamond" trade for several years and made the decision a couple of years ago to never wear a diamond again--there is absolutely no allure for me in anything that comes from an industry so tainted with the blood of innocents. But after watching the movie, "a whole 'nother" set of questions has arisen for me.

As anyone who reads me regularly already knows, we're working our way through Shane Claiborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" in my small group. Shane vociferously addresses the third world country sweatshop issue...and how we as comfy American Christians don't address the tragedies happening to our brothers and sisters in other parts of the world. We seem to have drawn a boundary line around our country and anyone outside that line is "them" and therefore somehow less worthy/deserving of what those of "us" inside the safe boundaries take for granted.

The same goes for the diamond industry--people are LOSING THEIR LIVES. DYING. DYING. Why? Because America (and other wealthy countries) must have its bling. This isn't about a man laying down his life for his friends. It's about strangers (including small children) being brutalized--beaten, raped, and murdered. For what? For a "sparkly little thang" to stick on my finger or around my neck or in my ear? Puh-LEEZE. It's hard enough for me to fathom that someone who knows me intimately would choose to lay down his or her life for me...a stranger dying so I can own a pretty little bauble? I don't think so.

The final song of the movie hit me pretty hard--the lyrics say it all so clearly. So, of course, I'm going to share.

"Shine on 'Em"

They dug me out the soil in the Mines of the Motherland
Now I'm misplaced, one hand to another hand
Illegal smugglin', people strugglin'
Wish they could just throw me back in the mud again
Yeah, guess that's how we got here
Slave Trade then the Diamond Trade
Every child's afraid
When his Mother and Father get sprayed
Forced in the Army, young killer Brigade
Gets a new name and then he give his nose glue
Til' his mind can't take what he's gon' through
Lookin' in that dirt for that ice so blue
Then The Royal Family, the ice goes to
And this thing has to change, feelin' half-ashamed
As I rap with my Platinum chain
When you shop for a gift for me
You think about the misery?
The same way we made Apartheid History
We can do the same thing to the conflict ice
But everybody wanna shine, right?

Everybody wants Heaven but nobody wants dead
Everybody wants Diamonds without the Bloodshed
Everybody wants Heaven but nobody wants dead
Everybody wants Diamonds without the Bloodshed
They wanna Shine on 'em

My VVS glimmers on my chest
200-thou-encrusted watch on my wrist
I wonder how people starve to death
When God bless the land that lacks the harvest
The stone's equality, but they homes are poverty
And the whole world ignores the robbery
Bought my girl pretty rocks when she's mad at me
Tear-drop shaped, uh, perfect Clarity
It shocks, so many are killed annually
'Cause of greed, lust, and pure Vanity
Stop talkin' and do somethin' about it
Every Holiday Season, Jewelry stores crowded
Kids snatched from their homes, Mutilated alive
Husbands separated from wives, keep a Jesus piece to be fly
But back in the day there was a time when they called us shine

Everybody wants Heaven but nobody wants dead
Everybody wants Diamonds without the Bloodshed
Everybody wants Heaven but nobody wants dead
Everybody wants Diamonds without the Bloodshed
They wanna shine on 'em

Let the record speak for itself...

Cubs 5--Cards 3.

Let's see now...looks like the CUBS are in first place, Milwaukee's in 2nd place, 1.5 games back...and those world champion Cardinals? Third place, 7.0 games out. Lo, how the mighty are fallen. (Well, fallING, anyway!!)

Gotta gloat while I can. I may have to take it all back next week. But I'm lovin' the moment right now!!!

Sinners and saints...and Billy Joel and Jesus

Quoting again...from Brother Andrew...who is quoting Billy Joel...and Jesus:

And here’s where I got to thinking, that perhaps we in the church have made a hell out of heaven. We took all of its attractiveness, warped it, and made the whole thing repugnant to the onlookers… and eventually, to many of ourselves as well. What did Billy Joel say? It’s a catchy line that we immediately want to condemn as from the lips of Satan himself, but I don’t think we can…

I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun…

The problem in wanting to write this off so quickly is simple: it’s true. Sinners are more fun. The Christian counters that fun is not defined by sex, drugs, and alcohol… but that’s a horrible stereotype of those who have fun outside the church — do they never laugh when they aren’t drunk? (Dena says a hearty "AMEN!!!" to that observation!) I think the accusation could more accurately be made of some Christians I know. And it all came down to this… Jesus hung with those people, and was criticized for it; his disciples were asked, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?” He was called to them as the sick who needed the physician… but clearly he was laughing, eating, drinking, and having fun with them. He said,

"For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and “sinners.” ‘ But wisdom is proved right by all her children.”

It seems to me he was having much more fun with the sinners than with the Pharisees, the saints of the day. Maybe his mother never told him all that they could give him was a reputation. Even now, the image of a laughing Jesus is a bit much for some people… but it looks to me like Jesus spent his time laughing with the sinners rather than crying with the saints, content for the wisdom of his actions not to be seen until after the fact. Go thou and do likewise?

"Let it rain down over me..."

...and it did. At Godstock. All over Day of Fire. Some of these shots are a bit blurry, but they give you an idea of how hard it was raining. Torrentially. No exaggeration. See for yourself.

Freedom Reigns in this Place...

I spent Labor Day weekend in Mississippi. Hanging out with people I love. Meeting new people to love. Drinking cherry limeades from Sonic. And meeting God in unexpected places. Like Kentucky Fried Chicken.

We were supposed to have a cookout Friday night. Instead, we had torrential rain. So, we met at KFC for dinner. And a little music. Johanna, Barb, Mahesh and Janna, my new friends from California, sang and played for us--it was incredible. We had our own little worship service right there in the middle of the restaurant. Other customers came in--some stayed to listen to the music; some didn't.

A couple of men came in and sat down behind where the women were standing-they were both listening intently to the music and applauding. One of the guys in our group went over and sat down with them and started talking to them. We were singing "Freedom Reigns in This Place". And something happened. I felt it...before I even knew what was going on.

I had an almost palpable sense of the presence of God--the atmosphere was super-charged and seemed gelatinous...I could barely move against it. I looked at the 3 men in the corner--they were praying, hands joined, heads bowed...as the ladies continued to sing "freedom reigns in this place; showers of mercy and grace falling on every face...there is freedom". Words can't do it justice...and almost seem to defile the holiness of the moment.

One of the men, Phil, is a former minister who walked away from God a few years ago...and he's trying to find his way back.

I spend a lot of time asking God "But why?" over the closing of GKK...I still don't understand why he allowed that to happen. It's not a COMPLETE answer (or maybe it is), but I know that what I experienced at KFC was the church doing what it's supposed to be doing--taking Jesus with us wherever we go. At GKK (or like most churches), people had to come there to be served, to see God's hands and feet in operation, to hear encouragement. But we took Jesus with us to Kentucky Fried Chicken...and maybe Phil took him home.

One more quote from someone else...

...and then I'll get back to the business of letting my own voice be heard. This is from a comment posted on Emerging Grace's blog...she's asking the same "what IS church, anyway?" questions that I've been asking and I've found great encouragement in reading her words and those of others in the CLB (church left behind) place I've already been...and may be headed for again.

Martin Luther said that when a church is erected, the devil sets up shop next door. Brother Martin was wrong.The devil sets up shop in the Narthex of the church.

From my perspective, you have to ask yourself if attending church and being on the fringes the way other people here have described, out of any leadership role whatsoever, is the answer for you. If it isn't, you may be better living out what one of your commenters said: "To have church, you need 2 people. Don't look back. Jesus is so much more."

And I quote...

Long, but WELL worth the read. And I'm hoping it sparks some interesting discussion. From an Australian blogger I discovered through my friend Jon's blog--too good/challenging to not quote in its entirety (it's my favorite subject!):

Social Justice And Christianity
Matthew 25:31-46 has always fascinated me. For most of my Christian life it was one of those passages I skimmed over, mainly because I knew that if I looked at it too closely, it would challenge me to step way out of my comfort zone, and that can be a difficult place to be. In recent years, however, my desire to be more like Jesus has overcome my fear of studying these verses and I have started delving into them a little further.

Many church leaders I have spoken to believe that “missions”, “outreach” and “providing for the needy” are jobs for a minority of Christians – those who have been “specifically called” to that particular ministry. They set up departments in their churches to cater for the few who have a passion for these things and then say that they have done their bit. Once that has been done, they can get on with the more important issues of preaching, music, small groups and the general running of the church. These things are all important in a church, but I believe that Matthew 25 blows this kind of mentality out of the water.

In this passage the way Jesus distinguishes those who will be with him throughout eternity, from those who will not, is based on their passion for social justice. Those who took care of the needs of the people around them and made time for those who were not socially accepted are the ones who Jesus said would share in his inheritance. Those who did not provide for the needy or care for the socially unacceptable were sent to “eternal punishment”.

Jesus effectively says that if you don’t help those in need, you will not be known by him. That is a pretty big call. As Christians we focus on so many aspects of God that I think we can easily lose the importance of this story. John 3:17 reinforces this way of thinking, saying that if we have material possessions but do not provide for those in need, then God’s love is not in us.

It seems difficult from these scriptures, to separate social justice and actively loving others from salvation and a personal relationship with Jesus. I guess if you love God wholeheartedly, from that should flow a love for his creation, and from that a demonstration of love in action.

God says....

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday." Isaiah 58:10

God's saying a lot of things right now...but it all seems to come right back to this.

If you pray, please toss my name in there somewhere. I need some peace of mind and clarity of vision.

Still recovering...

...from my not-nearly-long-enough Labor Day weekend trip to Mississippi. I have a whole page full of notes and will be back shortly to expound on those little scribbly phrases that I'm hoping caught the essence of the moments well enough that I can rebuild the stories. (Silly me--I thought I wouldn't need a computer since I could check my email from my phone...I had no idea that God would be constantly whispering in my ear.)

Godstock is Saturday and I'm pretty overwhelmed right now with everything involved in that, but I have a lot to say when I have the time. And the energy. I feel like I'm dragging my brain behind me right now.