Somehow (don't ask, I can't explain it), this song just seems to express the essence of all I'm feeling right now...there's much inside me that I just can't clearly enunciate (me, who rarely lacks for words--imagine that!!)--every time I open my mouth to talk about it, the words stumble all over themselves and make no sense even to me, so I'm sure they make no sense to anyone else.
Ready to spread my little wings...whether you see me or not.
Live This Life(Big Kenny/John Rich)
Met a man on the street last night
Said his name was Jesus
Met a man on the street last night
Thought he was crazy till I watched him heal a blind man
Watched him heal a blind man now I see yeah
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Met a girl in a chair with wheels
But no one else would see her
Met a girl in a chair with wheels
Everyone was so afraid
To even look down on her
And she just spread her little wings and flew away yeah
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open doorI have no fears,
angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Live here anymore
Met a kid on a bridge last night
Contemplating freedom
Met a kid on a bridge last night
And he said
I'm tired of this maddening life
And I'm ready to go meet Jesus
I said he's a friend of mine
Met him just last night
And it's alright
Yeah it's all right
Yeah
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Live here anymore
Met a man on the street last night
Said his name was Jesus
Met a man on the street last night
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Totally random exciting news!!
My mom just called to tell me that a Qdoba is opening in Evansville! In case you haven't figured it out yet, the news is a wonderful early Christmas present for me. The noodle place on Burkhardt (can't remember the real name...I call it "Oodles of Noodles") is closed and the owners have purchased a Qdoba franchise--not sure how soon it will be opening, but I'll be monitoring the progress VERY closely. :-)
We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...
We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Remembering their names...
I've just returned from my second trip this year to the Katrina-ravaged Gulfport, MS area. I'm still overwhelmed...not only by what I saw, but also by what God spoke to me this week. I'm still sorting it all out and writing it down always seems the best way for my "sorting process" to work, so...that's what I'm going to do. :-) It may be a bit muddled, because it's definitely NOT sorted yet!
I've recently become a fan of the new Battlestar Galactica series and one episode in particular had a profound effect on me--one of the characters made a statement early in the episode about not being able to remember the names of all their fallen fighter pilots and not really thinking it was important because they were gone, but at the end, she stands and honors their memory by reciting their names. That spoke strongly to me, because I had just recently wandered around a VERY old cemetery, looking at the names of long-dead relatives and strangers, and had a conversation about who would remember me...and how I would be remembered when all that remained of my earthly life was nothing more than a name on a tombstone.
The people I met this week aren't just "Katrina survivors" or "homeless men" or "FEMA trailer park residents" or "God's Katrina Kitchen volunteers"--they are individuals, fearfully and wonderfully made, loved and known by the same God who made, loves and knows me. They have faces and lives and stories that are, for the most part, forgotten by the media and the ignorant who don't have a clue about the magnitude of destruction and believe that everyone's gone back to "normal" life (BIG "issue" with me that you'll probably hear more about later, but that's not the story for today). I want to remember those names. And their stories.
Neil: He came to Gulfport from Florida because he heard there were construction jobs paying good money. He worked for a contractor for a week, sleeping on the guy's couch because he had nowhere else to go. The contractor couldn't/wouldn't pay him for the work he'd done and Neil refused to continue to work without being paid, so consequently, he no longer had a place to stay. Someone directed him to God's Katrina Kitchen on Wednesday...he hadn't eaten for two days. I fed him lunch. And then dinner. And he stayed for our group's worship service that night. He wanted to work as a volunteer for GKK for a place to stay and hot meals. He owns a bicycle, the clothes he's wearing, and carries a garbage bag of personal items. He sleeps in a deep ditch near GKK. (The nighttime temperatures were around 20-30 degrees each night we were there, btw.) He is tired and discouraged and wonders where God is in all that's happened to him.
Terry: Originally from Michigan, he came to Mississippi from Colorado, where he sold souvenir rocks mounted on wooden plaques (he gave me two of them because I was his friend). He's staying with friends in an apartment near GKK and got a job Friday doing concrete work. He had asked me earlier in the week to ask God to help him find a job, because he thought God probably listened to me more than He listened to him.
Kevin: He lives in Pass Christian and was a part-time volunteer at GKK before the move to Gulfport. I met him Wednesday--he told me that he had just ridden his bike from about 20 minutes west of Pass Christian (at least ten miles) and was looking for a job. When he came in Friday, he had gotten a job at a Subway down the street. He also told me that he had missed breakfast that morning because his water (he lives in a FEMA trailer) had frozen--his space heater doesn't produce enough heat to keep the water pipes from freezing when the temperature drops into the 20s. He asked me if I liked poetry and produced a notebook of poems he had written--one was entitled "B-4" and was a list of things that had happened, both throughout the Bible and in his own personal life--ie, "before Katrina hit Pass Christian, etc..." and the last line of each stanza was "a way had already been made". Powerful stuff. His faith has carried him through some very rough times.
Otis: All I know of Otis is his name...his mental faculties are lacking so much that it was hard to get more than a few sensible words at a time out of him. He brought me a Bible one day, opened to the book of Jeremiah and asked me to read it to him. When I was finished, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He wanders in and out most of the day, talking to whomever will give him a few minutes, smiling at everyone, chattering to himself.
Steve: He's a cross-carrier...one of Arthur Blessit's "disciples", from California. He carries a 12' X 6' wooden cross on his shoulder, all across the country. When he came in Tuesday, he hadn't eaten for two days--some of our volunteers found him and brought him in for lunch. He came back that night for our worship service and I had the opportunity to quiz him--he's on a ten-year "mission" to tell people about Jesus by carrying the cross along highways and interstates and stopping to speak whenever someone gives him an opening.
Jeff: Born in Bossier City, he moved to Florida with his mom, then to Knoxville, then back to Florida, then to Gulfport to do construction work. I heard his entire life story as I waited in line for breakfast Thursday morning. He told me that he had been working construction in Gulfport, making good money, but blowing it all on drinking and drugs...knowing all the time that he wasn't living the way God would want him to live. He walked into GKK for lunch one day, felt God's presence and knew that he belonged there. He left the good-paying construction job, moved into one of the GKK bunkhouses and went to work as an unpaid volunteer on one of the work teams, started going to a 12-step recovery program, has been clean and sober almost 2 months and positively RADIATES Jesus all over the place.
I won't forget.
I've recently become a fan of the new Battlestar Galactica series and one episode in particular had a profound effect on me--one of the characters made a statement early in the episode about not being able to remember the names of all their fallen fighter pilots and not really thinking it was important because they were gone, but at the end, she stands and honors their memory by reciting their names. That spoke strongly to me, because I had just recently wandered around a VERY old cemetery, looking at the names of long-dead relatives and strangers, and had a conversation about who would remember me...and how I would be remembered when all that remained of my earthly life was nothing more than a name on a tombstone.
The people I met this week aren't just "Katrina survivors" or "homeless men" or "FEMA trailer park residents" or "God's Katrina Kitchen volunteers"--they are individuals, fearfully and wonderfully made, loved and known by the same God who made, loves and knows me. They have faces and lives and stories that are, for the most part, forgotten by the media and the ignorant who don't have a clue about the magnitude of destruction and believe that everyone's gone back to "normal" life (BIG "issue" with me that you'll probably hear more about later, but that's not the story for today). I want to remember those names. And their stories.
Neil: He came to Gulfport from Florida because he heard there were construction jobs paying good money. He worked for a contractor for a week, sleeping on the guy's couch because he had nowhere else to go. The contractor couldn't/wouldn't pay him for the work he'd done and Neil refused to continue to work without being paid, so consequently, he no longer had a place to stay. Someone directed him to God's Katrina Kitchen on Wednesday...he hadn't eaten for two days. I fed him lunch. And then dinner. And he stayed for our group's worship service that night. He wanted to work as a volunteer for GKK for a place to stay and hot meals. He owns a bicycle, the clothes he's wearing, and carries a garbage bag of personal items. He sleeps in a deep ditch near GKK. (The nighttime temperatures were around 20-30 degrees each night we were there, btw.) He is tired and discouraged and wonders where God is in all that's happened to him.
Terry: Originally from Michigan, he came to Mississippi from Colorado, where he sold souvenir rocks mounted on wooden plaques (he gave me two of them because I was his friend). He's staying with friends in an apartment near GKK and got a job Friday doing concrete work. He had asked me earlier in the week to ask God to help him find a job, because he thought God probably listened to me more than He listened to him.
Kevin: He lives in Pass Christian and was a part-time volunteer at GKK before the move to Gulfport. I met him Wednesday--he told me that he had just ridden his bike from about 20 minutes west of Pass Christian (at least ten miles) and was looking for a job. When he came in Friday, he had gotten a job at a Subway down the street. He also told me that he had missed breakfast that morning because his water (he lives in a FEMA trailer) had frozen--his space heater doesn't produce enough heat to keep the water pipes from freezing when the temperature drops into the 20s. He asked me if I liked poetry and produced a notebook of poems he had written--one was entitled "B-4" and was a list of things that had happened, both throughout the Bible and in his own personal life--ie, "before Katrina hit Pass Christian, etc..." and the last line of each stanza was "a way had already been made". Powerful stuff. His faith has carried him through some very rough times.
Otis: All I know of Otis is his name...his mental faculties are lacking so much that it was hard to get more than a few sensible words at a time out of him. He brought me a Bible one day, opened to the book of Jeremiah and asked me to read it to him. When I was finished, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He wanders in and out most of the day, talking to whomever will give him a few minutes, smiling at everyone, chattering to himself.
Steve: He's a cross-carrier...one of Arthur Blessit's "disciples", from California. He carries a 12' X 6' wooden cross on his shoulder, all across the country. When he came in Tuesday, he hadn't eaten for two days--some of our volunteers found him and brought him in for lunch. He came back that night for our worship service and I had the opportunity to quiz him--he's on a ten-year "mission" to tell people about Jesus by carrying the cross along highways and interstates and stopping to speak whenever someone gives him an opening.
Jeff: Born in Bossier City, he moved to Florida with his mom, then to Knoxville, then back to Florida, then to Gulfport to do construction work. I heard his entire life story as I waited in line for breakfast Thursday morning. He told me that he had been working construction in Gulfport, making good money, but blowing it all on drinking and drugs...knowing all the time that he wasn't living the way God would want him to live. He walked into GKK for lunch one day, felt God's presence and knew that he belonged there. He left the good-paying construction job, moved into one of the GKK bunkhouses and went to work as an unpaid volunteer on one of the work teams, started going to a 12-step recovery program, has been clean and sober almost 2 months and positively RADIATES Jesus all over the place.
I won't forget.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
While you're waiting...
...for me to get home from Mississippi, go here: http://www.jdtkwcc.blogspot.com/ and read what Jacob has to say. (A forewarning: he has LOTS to say!! Must be why I like him...he reminds me of me!) I'll have to confess that I haven't read it all myself, but I will digest it all when I have the opportunity.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Preview of coming attractions...
I'm in the midst of preparing for Thanksgiving with my family/friends (I'm cooking--I'm so excited!) and have had NO time to sit down and de-muddle all the thoughts running in circles in my head. Rest assured, there are thoughts there...and some, even, that seem worth sharing.
God's shown me some really interesting things the past couple of weeks and I've enjoyed just standing back and watching as He's peeled some of the outer layers off some of the mysteries of life and allowed me to see that "real" life lurks just below the surface of what we often accept at face value--and we miss so much by doing that.
More later... :-)
God's shown me some really interesting things the past couple of weeks and I've enjoyed just standing back and watching as He's peeled some of the outer layers off some of the mysteries of life and allowed me to see that "real" life lurks just below the surface of what we often accept at face value--and we miss so much by doing that.
More later... :-)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Happy ?? Feet...
...it just ain't penguin!! ;-)
And THESE are the infamous blue booties, waiting to be draped in suede or covered in paint, glitter, shells, or macaroni!!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Well, I survived...
My feet are in that half-still-numb-from-anesthesia, half-painful state, I can barely keep my eyes open (and won't for very long!) and I'm still freezing, but I'm safely home and lying on my couch--and grateful to be here!
I'm sure I'll have plenty of time in the next couple of days to share all the thoughts that have been running through my head the last couple of days, but for now, I just wanted to say "thanks" to all of you who have prayed for me and encouraged me as I was preparing for surgery. I appreciate it...more than I can express in the few words I can manage to type right now. :-)
Stay tuned for more...
I'm sure I'll have plenty of time in the next couple of days to share all the thoughts that have been running through my head the last couple of days, but for now, I just wanted to say "thanks" to all of you who have prayed for me and encouraged me as I was preparing for surgery. I appreciate it...more than I can express in the few words I can manage to type right now. :-)
Stay tuned for more...
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Racing against time...
...but I'm going to win!
For those of you unfamiliar with my feet (that would be most, if not all, of you I'm relatively certain!), this is their story--the abbreviated edition.
The bottom line is...I have to have surgery. On both feet. Relatively soon. It's minor surgery, at least, if anything involving incisions and chipping and drilling into bones can be called "minor"! I am NOT looking forward to this. My doctor told me that in the "best case scenario", I should take off work for three weeks to fully recuperate (NOT an option!), but he will allow me to return to work after at least three days, wearing those silly boot things.
The OTHER bottom line thing is...I'm going to Mississippi in December to do Katrina relief work (funny/not-so-funny sidebar here: I was at a meeting tonight and shared with some people that I was going to do Katrina relief work in December and one woman looked at me in disbelief and said "STILL? I can't believe it's taking so long." Obviously, SHE has not been to the Gulfport/Biloxi/Pass Christian war zone.)
At any rate, I'm in a race again time here. I need to have the surgery done before I go to Mississippi, because I'm probably going to be on my feet most of the day (I'll be cooking at God's Katrina Kitchen, helping prepare meals for the relief workers/residents of the area who still have no cooking facilities). If I don't have it done immediately, I won't have enough recovery time before the trip.
So, I'm having surgery Tuesday. It's done in the doctor's office, but he brings in an anesthetist and they put me OUT. I'm probably dreading that more than anything...I asked if I could just have a local and he told me that wasn't an option (I asked for that when I had my gallbladder removed, too--same answer!)
Good thing the fashion statement for this fall is...ANYTHING worn with foam boots, eh?! Should be fun trying to drive wearing those things. Can't wait. The GOOD thing is, post-recovery/post-foam boots, I'll be able to wear all of my shoes, instead of just the two pairs that don't cause excruciating pain every time I put them on (think Steve Martin's "Cruel Shoes" story).
For those of you unfamiliar with my feet (that would be most, if not all, of you I'm relatively certain!), this is their story--the abbreviated edition.
The bottom line is...I have to have surgery. On both feet. Relatively soon. It's minor surgery, at least, if anything involving incisions and chipping and drilling into bones can be called "minor"! I am NOT looking forward to this. My doctor told me that in the "best case scenario", I should take off work for three weeks to fully recuperate (NOT an option!), but he will allow me to return to work after at least three days, wearing those silly boot things.
The OTHER bottom line thing is...I'm going to Mississippi in December to do Katrina relief work (funny/not-so-funny sidebar here: I was at a meeting tonight and shared with some people that I was going to do Katrina relief work in December and one woman looked at me in disbelief and said "STILL? I can't believe it's taking so long." Obviously, SHE has not been to the Gulfport/Biloxi/Pass Christian war zone.)
At any rate, I'm in a race again time here. I need to have the surgery done before I go to Mississippi, because I'm probably going to be on my feet most of the day (I'll be cooking at God's Katrina Kitchen, helping prepare meals for the relief workers/residents of the area who still have no cooking facilities). If I don't have it done immediately, I won't have enough recovery time before the trip.
So, I'm having surgery Tuesday. It's done in the doctor's office, but he brings in an anesthetist and they put me OUT. I'm probably dreading that more than anything...I asked if I could just have a local and he told me that wasn't an option (I asked for that when I had my gallbladder removed, too--same answer!)
Good thing the fashion statement for this fall is...ANYTHING worn with foam boots, eh?! Should be fun trying to drive wearing those things. Can't wait. The GOOD thing is, post-recovery/post-foam boots, I'll be able to wear all of my shoes, instead of just the two pairs that don't cause excruciating pain every time I put them on (think Steve Martin's "Cruel Shoes" story).
Saturday, October 28, 2006
The "grammar nazi" in me...
Actually, "spelling nazi" is probably more appropriate in this instance.
If anyone were to ask me my pet peeves, I probably couldn't come up with many off the top of my head, but, rest assured, I DO have them...and most of them probably have to do with grammar and spelling. (Nerd alert!!) One of the BIGGIES is one I see all the time...and it's one that, of course, will breeze right through a spell-check, because it's a "real" word. A real word that is, more often than not, unfortunately, used in place of the CORRECT real word.
And today, it was used by none other than the DIRECTOR of our agency, in an email that went out to literally HUNDREDS (maybe thousands) of people who all now know (silly me--they don't know, because most of them probably don't use the correct word, either!) that she doesn't have a clue. The word is "PIQUED". Not "PEAKED". She said she heard an interesting story that "peaked" her interest. Tell me how something PEAKS your interest...please tell me what that means. Will she never be any more excited about something than she was about this story? That's saying a lot, isn't it?
So says the dictionary:
pique /pik/ [peek] –verb (used with object)
1. to affect with sharp irritation and resentment, esp. by some wound to pride: She was greatly piqued when they refused her invitation.
2. to wound (the pride, vanity, etc.).
3. to excite (interest, curiosity, etc.): Her curiosity was piqued by the gossip.
4. to arouse an emotion or provoke to action: to pique someone to answer a challenge.
peak–verb (used without object)
14. to project in a peak.
15. to attain a peak of activity, development, popularity, etc.: The artist peaked in the 1950s.
If anyone were to ask me my pet peeves, I probably couldn't come up with many off the top of my head, but, rest assured, I DO have them...and most of them probably have to do with grammar and spelling. (Nerd alert!!) One of the BIGGIES is one I see all the time...and it's one that, of course, will breeze right through a spell-check, because it's a "real" word. A real word that is, more often than not, unfortunately, used in place of the CORRECT real word.
And today, it was used by none other than the DIRECTOR of our agency, in an email that went out to literally HUNDREDS (maybe thousands) of people who all now know (silly me--they don't know, because most of them probably don't use the correct word, either!) that she doesn't have a clue. The word is "PIQUED". Not "PEAKED". She said she heard an interesting story that "peaked" her interest. Tell me how something PEAKS your interest...please tell me what that means. Will she never be any more excited about something than she was about this story? That's saying a lot, isn't it?
So says the dictionary:
pique /pik/ [peek] –verb (used with object)
1. to affect with sharp irritation and resentment, esp. by some wound to pride: She was greatly piqued when they refused her invitation.
2. to wound (the pride, vanity, etc.).
3. to excite (interest, curiosity, etc.): Her curiosity was piqued by the gossip.
4. to arouse an emotion or provoke to action: to pique someone to answer a challenge.
peak–verb (used without object)
14. to project in a peak.
15. to attain a peak of activity, development, popularity, etc.: The artist peaked in the 1950s.
Friday, October 27, 2006
The "J"s have it...
Totally random.
I was looking at my list of fellow "cracked pots" (NOT "crackpots"!) just now and realized I have a near-plethora of "J" people--Julie, Jon, Jim, Jacob. Kinda strange, eh?! Maybe I should start looking for some new friends in other parts of the alphabet... ;-)
So why, do you ask, are you "cracked pots"? (Thanks for asking.) I've lifted this analogy from Erin--I think she posted it as a comment here on my blog a couple of weeks ago, or maybe she posted it as a response to a comment I posted on HER blog...at any rate, she said we were all pots getting cracked so we could show more and more of His glory. I have this mental image of me as a rough, unglazed terra cotta jar with a candle glowing inside it...and God is that candle inside, chipping away, trying to break away enough of my hard, rough clay surface so that I will RADIATE with His love and people will want to draw near to bask in that warmth and light.
I was looking at my list of fellow "cracked pots" (NOT "crackpots"!) just now and realized I have a near-plethora of "J" people--Julie, Jon, Jim, Jacob. Kinda strange, eh?! Maybe I should start looking for some new friends in other parts of the alphabet... ;-)
So why, do you ask, are you "cracked pots"? (Thanks for asking.) I've lifted this analogy from Erin--I think she posted it as a comment here on my blog a couple of weeks ago, or maybe she posted it as a response to a comment I posted on HER blog...at any rate, she said we were all pots getting cracked so we could show more and more of His glory. I have this mental image of me as a rough, unglazed terra cotta jar with a candle glowing inside it...and God is that candle inside, chipping away, trying to break away enough of my hard, rough clay surface so that I will RADIATE with His love and people will want to draw near to bask in that warmth and light.
Monday, October 23, 2006
"Poiema" unveiled...
Blame it on Hersch...he asked what "poiema" means. ;-)
From Strong's: Word 4161. 1) that which has been made.2) a work. a) of the works of God as creator. Derived from Word 4160, "poieo". 1) to make
a) with the names of things made, to produce, construct, form, fashion, etc.
b) to be the authors of, the cause c) to make ready, to prepare...etc.
It's the word used in Ephesians 2:10--"We are His workmanship (poiema)". His creation. His handiwork. Something He has produced and made ready. Good stuff, eh?
That's the "technical" stuff. The personal story behind it is:
"Poiema" is the title of one of Michael Card's CDs from a few years ago (1994). Since I'm not a Greek scholar, that was my first exposure to the word. Being a "wordaholic", though, I DID go immediately and look up the meaning. :-)
One of the songs on the CD is called "Poem of Your Life". I'm trying to find the lyrics and, of course, can't. At the moment. I WILL find them and I'll post them, but for now, I'll just post part of the liner notes...some of his comments about the purpose behind the music.
''The Bible tells us that we are God's masterpieces (poiema in Greek); not only creatures, but His creations, His poems (Eph 2:10). We are living epistles (2 Cor 3:3). And so, our lives are meant to be listened to, because it is God who is speaking into and out of and through the symphony of the years, and the masterpiece of a lifetime. "
Being a writer/poet/musician sort, I LOVED the fact that, in a way, I, as God's created work, am a poem...my life is a poem, a song that He's written for the world to hear. And I might be a simple short, sweet (I hope!) song, but I'm also part of this huge, magnificent, overwhelmingly beautiful SYMPHONY that spans heaven and earth and all our lifetimes--my little part in the symphony may be just that (little), but when you're listening to an orchestra play, sometimes, above the trumpeting brass and the resonating drum, you hear the briefest, sweetest trill of a flute...and it outshines everything for a second. I want my life to sing His song...the song that He's put in me to sing. And I hope I'm not off-key...
From Strong's: Word 4161. 1) that which has been made.2) a work. a) of the works of God as creator. Derived from Word 4160, "poieo". 1) to make
a) with the names of things made, to produce, construct, form, fashion, etc.
b) to be the authors of, the cause c) to make ready, to prepare...etc.
It's the word used in Ephesians 2:10--"We are His workmanship (poiema)". His creation. His handiwork. Something He has produced and made ready. Good stuff, eh?
That's the "technical" stuff. The personal story behind it is:
"Poiema" is the title of one of Michael Card's CDs from a few years ago (1994). Since I'm not a Greek scholar, that was my first exposure to the word. Being a "wordaholic", though, I DID go immediately and look up the meaning. :-)
One of the songs on the CD is called "Poem of Your Life". I'm trying to find the lyrics and, of course, can't. At the moment. I WILL find them and I'll post them, but for now, I'll just post part of the liner notes...some of his comments about the purpose behind the music.
''The Bible tells us that we are God's masterpieces (poiema in Greek); not only creatures, but His creations, His poems (Eph 2:10). We are living epistles (2 Cor 3:3). And so, our lives are meant to be listened to, because it is God who is speaking into and out of and through the symphony of the years, and the masterpiece of a lifetime. "
Being a writer/poet/musician sort, I LOVED the fact that, in a way, I, as God's created work, am a poem...my life is a poem, a song that He's written for the world to hear. And I might be a simple short, sweet (I hope!) song, but I'm also part of this huge, magnificent, overwhelmingly beautiful SYMPHONY that spans heaven and earth and all our lifetimes--my little part in the symphony may be just that (little), but when you're listening to an orchestra play, sometimes, above the trumpeting brass and the resonating drum, you hear the briefest, sweetest trill of a flute...and it outshines everything for a second. I want my life to sing His song...the song that He's put in me to sing. And I hope I'm not off-key...
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Accountability matters...
So. I got called on something today. By someone for whom I care very much. Someone whom I respect. Someone whom I want to respect me...and my integrity.
This was one of those little "gray area" things...in all honesty, it was nothing illegal, sinful, or otherwise morally wrong (although I'm quite capable of all those things). But. It WAS questionable. And I was questioned. I have NEVER liked gray. I'm liking it even less these days.
I find myself talking a lot about accountability--mostly bemoaning the fact that I don't have the accountability in my life that I want to have. So, did it, then, feel good to be confronted? Nope. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.
But...someone held me accountable. Made me take a long, hard look at a foolish choice and the resulting consequences. Made me understand how others are sometimes hurt by my rash decisions. And I can honestly say "thanks".
This was one of those little "gray area" things...in all honesty, it was nothing illegal, sinful, or otherwise morally wrong (although I'm quite capable of all those things). But. It WAS questionable. And I was questioned. I have NEVER liked gray. I'm liking it even less these days.
I find myself talking a lot about accountability--mostly bemoaning the fact that I don't have the accountability in my life that I want to have. So, did it, then, feel good to be confronted? Nope. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.
But...someone held me accountable. Made me take a long, hard look at a foolish choice and the resulting consequences. Made me understand how others are sometimes hurt by my rash decisions. And I can honestly say "thanks".
Sunday, October 15, 2006
"The God of the Valley"
From Os Hillman's "Today God is First" daily e-devotional for today....
...God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.
However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight.
Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others.
God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.
Lord, help me be faithful in the valley.
...God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.
However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight.
Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others.
God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.
Lord, help me be faithful in the valley.
Friday, October 13, 2006
God is always on time...
So...I've been sitting here tonight with one thought on my mind. Actually, one thought that led to another thought that led to others that...well, you get the point. Lost in thought--buried, actually, by an avalanche of sadness and almost-overwhelming brokenness that stemmed from ONE thought. This thought: "I'm alone." Then this one: "I'm alone and lonely." Then: "I'm alone, lonely, and no one knows/cares." Needless to say, it all spiralled downward from that point. I should send out invitations to my big pity party, shouldn't I? ;-)
Today I've been reading the blogs of an old acquaintance...someone I knew in my "former life" (pre-divorce), a VERY long time ago. He and his wife made a deep impact on my life at a time when I didn't really understand much about the Body of Christ concept and what it means to say that we ARE a body...deeply connected and intertwined and fashioned that way for a purpose. They got it. They understood it. They lived it. And I've never forgotten what I learned from them, even though I didn't have the opportunity to spend much time with them. They were a blessing to me then...and now.
Cheryl was diagnosed with cancer in March (she was 48). And she met Jesus face-to-face in September. Jim blogged almost daily from the day of her diagnosis, keeping friends and family updated on the losing battle with cancer, but the ultimate Kingdom "win" for Cheryl. Their faith and trust in God and their unswerving belief in His sovereignty and love is a precious, beautiful story.
So...Jim said the following in June (the emphasis is mine). I read it tonight, amidst the pity-party confetti strewn all over my living room. God, in His timing, is perfect--He somehow (imagine that!!) knew I would need to read these very words tonight. I know He's in the midst of everything in my life...I know there's purpose, even though I can't see it and certainly can't begin to understand it. Maybe this is part of His purpose:
Remember: We won't know Jesus can calm the storm unless we are in a storm. We won't know he can heal the sick unless we are sick. We won't know Jesus will befriend the broken hearted and downcast unless we are friendless and broken hearted. We won't know Jesus can lead us to streams of clear water unless we're lost and thirsty. May God help us stop despairing our situations in life that are negative and begin to see Him work His love through every one of those situations.
Today I've been reading the blogs of an old acquaintance...someone I knew in my "former life" (pre-divorce), a VERY long time ago. He and his wife made a deep impact on my life at a time when I didn't really understand much about the Body of Christ concept and what it means to say that we ARE a body...deeply connected and intertwined and fashioned that way for a purpose. They got it. They understood it. They lived it. And I've never forgotten what I learned from them, even though I didn't have the opportunity to spend much time with them. They were a blessing to me then...and now.
Cheryl was diagnosed with cancer in March (she was 48). And she met Jesus face-to-face in September. Jim blogged almost daily from the day of her diagnosis, keeping friends and family updated on the losing battle with cancer, but the ultimate Kingdom "win" for Cheryl. Their faith and trust in God and their unswerving belief in His sovereignty and love is a precious, beautiful story.
So...Jim said the following in June (the emphasis is mine). I read it tonight, amidst the pity-party confetti strewn all over my living room. God, in His timing, is perfect--He somehow (imagine that!!) knew I would need to read these very words tonight. I know He's in the midst of everything in my life...I know there's purpose, even though I can't see it and certainly can't begin to understand it. Maybe this is part of His purpose:
Remember: We won't know Jesus can calm the storm unless we are in a storm. We won't know he can heal the sick unless we are sick. We won't know Jesus will befriend the broken hearted and downcast unless we are friendless and broken hearted. We won't know Jesus can lead us to streams of clear water unless we're lost and thirsty. May God help us stop despairing our situations in life that are negative and begin to see Him work His love through every one of those situations.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Purpose and reason...
It seems like God often speaks to me most clearly through music...maybe that's just because there's always music playing in my world--if I'm not listening to my CD player or Ipod or radio, the most recent tracks are replaying themselves over and over in my head...there's a lyric and a tune to fit every mood and situation.
So...I recently made a compilation CD of songs which have been constant companions through some of my darker days--songs which remind me that, even though life is, at times, incredibly tough, and God seems all-too-distant and aloof, nothing (NOTHING) happens without His knowledge.
I primarily choose to believe that most of the crap I have to slog through is a result of (either myself or someone else) stepping out of His perfect/best plan and into those "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" areas which lead to walking through a lot of brambles and bogs to get back where I'm supposed to be, but...I don't think that's really always the case.
Back to my compilation CD--one of the songs I included is a song by Layton Howerton called "Beauty Marks". Of course I can't find the liner notes from his CD, so I can't post the entire song, but I'll post the pertinent lines. It's funny how you listen to something hundreds of times and then one day, out of the blue, the words just punch you in the stomach so hard that they nearly knock you to the ground.
The song is about the "beauty marks" God leaves on us through His work in our lives...the things that other people perceive as scars. The chorus says:
Bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
These wrinkles above my brow
Are not the product of a scowl,
It came from being seasoned,
Sifted with purpose and reason,
So bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
If you look upon my face,
See flaws in this canvas of grace,
They're simply God's beauty marks.
So, I've loved this song for about two years and have listened to it often. It's always given me peace in the midst of the storm (one of the verses talks about the "coming storm"). Yesterday, I was listening to it and the words "sifted with purpose and reason" hit me HARD. It was like I was driving into a neon billboard with two huge words flashing in my face: PURPOSE. REASON.
I haven't had much to say lately because I've been in a place where I just didn't know WHAT to say...I'm still not sure that I know. I don't think I can describe the "sifting" process I've been going through the past week or so...it's just been TOUGH. Part of the reason I made that CD in the first place was to have a constant reminder of God's presence when I can't feel Him there in the dark with me....and it's been DARK.
I'm strangely comforted by the fact that God HAS chosen to sift me...purposefully, deliberately, knowingly...and for His reasons, whatever they may be. That knowledge is a place of peace. And I need peace right now.
Bring it on.
So...I recently made a compilation CD of songs which have been constant companions through some of my darker days--songs which remind me that, even though life is, at times, incredibly tough, and God seems all-too-distant and aloof, nothing (NOTHING) happens without His knowledge.
I primarily choose to believe that most of the crap I have to slog through is a result of (either myself or someone else) stepping out of His perfect/best plan and into those "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" areas which lead to walking through a lot of brambles and bogs to get back where I'm supposed to be, but...I don't think that's really always the case.
Back to my compilation CD--one of the songs I included is a song by Layton Howerton called "Beauty Marks". Of course I can't find the liner notes from his CD, so I can't post the entire song, but I'll post the pertinent lines. It's funny how you listen to something hundreds of times and then one day, out of the blue, the words just punch you in the stomach so hard that they nearly knock you to the ground.
The song is about the "beauty marks" God leaves on us through His work in our lives...the things that other people perceive as scars. The chorus says:
Bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
These wrinkles above my brow
Are not the product of a scowl,
It came from being seasoned,
Sifted with purpose and reason,
So bring it on, bring it on,
Whatever this day may bring...it on.
If you look upon my face,
See flaws in this canvas of grace,
They're simply God's beauty marks.
So, I've loved this song for about two years and have listened to it often. It's always given me peace in the midst of the storm (one of the verses talks about the "coming storm"). Yesterday, I was listening to it and the words "sifted with purpose and reason" hit me HARD. It was like I was driving into a neon billboard with two huge words flashing in my face: PURPOSE. REASON.
I haven't had much to say lately because I've been in a place where I just didn't know WHAT to say...I'm still not sure that I know. I don't think I can describe the "sifting" process I've been going through the past week or so...it's just been TOUGH. Part of the reason I made that CD in the first place was to have a constant reminder of God's presence when I can't feel Him there in the dark with me....and it's been DARK.
I'm strangely comforted by the fact that God HAS chosen to sift me...purposefully, deliberately, knowingly...and for His reasons, whatever they may be. That knowledge is a place of peace. And I need peace right now.
Bring it on.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Quoting Andrew Peterson....
...one of my favorite things to do. :-)
Seems pretty appropriate, since several of us seem to be focused right now on the whole plowing and planting and weeding and harvesting process going on in our lives.
This is a great song all the way through, but...there's one line (you won't have any problem recognizing it!) that just speaks volumes to me and always has.
The bottom line is...weedy or not, in full-bloom or scraggly, bearing an abundant harvest or just a few dried-up pieces of fruit--His grace is STILL SUFFICIENT for me. His love covers a multitude of...well, weeds. And wormy fruit. Don't get me wrong...I want to lay abundance at His feet to honor what He's done to my heart, but it's still ME that he loves. Period.
JUST AS I AM--Andrew Peterson
What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart
Somebody named Jesus
Broke it to pieces
And planted the shards
And they're coming up green
They're coming in bloom
I can hardly believe
This is all coming true
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
All of my life
I've held on to this fear
Its thistles and vines
Ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared
It's the fear that I'll fall
One too many times
It's the fear that His love
Is no better than mine
(but He says that)
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
It's time now to harvest
What little that grew
This man they call Jesus
Who planted the seeds
Has come for the fruit
And the best that I've got
Isn't nearly enough
He's glad for the crop
But it's me that He loves
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
The same as the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
Seems pretty appropriate, since several of us seem to be focused right now on the whole plowing and planting and weeding and harvesting process going on in our lives.
This is a great song all the way through, but...there's one line (you won't have any problem recognizing it!) that just speaks volumes to me and always has.
The bottom line is...weedy or not, in full-bloom or scraggly, bearing an abundant harvest or just a few dried-up pieces of fruit--His grace is STILL SUFFICIENT for me. His love covers a multitude of...well, weeds. And wormy fruit. Don't get me wrong...I want to lay abundance at His feet to honor what He's done to my heart, but it's still ME that he loves. Period.
JUST AS I AM--Andrew Peterson
What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart
Somebody named Jesus
Broke it to pieces
And planted the shards
And they're coming up green
They're coming in bloom
I can hardly believe
This is all coming true
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
All of my life
I've held on to this fear
Its thistles and vines
Ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared
It's the fear that I'll fall
One too many times
It's the fear that His love
Is no better than mine
(but He says that)
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
It's time now to harvest
What little that grew
This man they call Jesus
Who planted the seeds
Has come for the fruit
And the best that I've got
Isn't nearly enough
He's glad for the crop
But it's me that He loves
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
The same as the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
Sunday, September 24, 2006
The tilling and the redeeming
So...God is obviously up to something in my life. Not really sure what it is right now. Not really sure if I even WANT to know, from the little "previews of coming attractions" I've experienced so far. There's a deep sense of...almost foreboding, but if it's GOD, can it really be that bad (in the long run, anyway)?
I KNOW that God is in the junk recycling business...He's the ultimate finder of long-forgotten attic treasures--and amazingly adept at cleaning, polishing and fixing that which is dirty and tarnished and broken. He should be, shouldn't he, since he's also the designer and creator of what we've allowed this world to trash and toss aside like yesterday's news? He alone intimately knows the purpose for which our broken-piece-of-crap selves were created.
And, like my friend Hersch, I've been sensing that God wants to till the soil of my heart and dig out some of those deep-rooted weeds that are choking out a beautiful and bountiful harvest...I'm not unwilling to yield a bountiful harvest, of course, but I've wielded the tiller in the garden in my backyard enough to know that plowing the soil is never a pretty thing, although there's not much more beautiful to a farmgirl-at-heart than a freshly plowed field, just waiting to be planted. And, isn't it amazing what lies just beyond the hard, dried surface of a fallow, weedy field?
I'm not really sure where all this is going...maybe I just need to sort out some thoughts and see in black and white what I'm sensing the Lord is telling me to prepare for. If I'm worth tilling and worth cleaning and polishing and fixing, God must see beauty and potential in me...and that's worth knowing. :-)
I KNOW that God is in the junk recycling business...He's the ultimate finder of long-forgotten attic treasures--and amazingly adept at cleaning, polishing and fixing that which is dirty and tarnished and broken. He should be, shouldn't he, since he's also the designer and creator of what we've allowed this world to trash and toss aside like yesterday's news? He alone intimately knows the purpose for which our broken-piece-of-crap selves were created.
And, like my friend Hersch, I've been sensing that God wants to till the soil of my heart and dig out some of those deep-rooted weeds that are choking out a beautiful and bountiful harvest...I'm not unwilling to yield a bountiful harvest, of course, but I've wielded the tiller in the garden in my backyard enough to know that plowing the soil is never a pretty thing, although there's not much more beautiful to a farmgirl-at-heart than a freshly plowed field, just waiting to be planted. And, isn't it amazing what lies just beyond the hard, dried surface of a fallow, weedy field?
I'm not really sure where all this is going...maybe I just need to sort out some thoughts and see in black and white what I'm sensing the Lord is telling me to prepare for. If I'm worth tilling and worth cleaning and polishing and fixing, God must see beauty and potential in me...and that's worth knowing. :-)
What Erin said...
I'm lifting some words from my friend Erin's blog until I get derusted. Amazing how God leads you to the right places at the right time for the words you need to hear. (Thanks Erin and Hersch...and the "total stranger" whose words Erin posted on HER blog.)
"I'm excited to see what God has for tomorrow...how he redeems the brokenness all around me into something far more beautiful than what I ever thought to ask Him for..." (words from the total stranger)
This idea of redeeming what is broken...has been coming up all around me recently. A song I heard in the car today:
"So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
‘Cause everybody’s broken..."
And something Bev said to me awhile ago...She had just finished pointing out a character issue I have...and, knowing that I'm a mel-head, she qualified her observation with another piece of wisdom that I've held in my pocket ever since: "Don't go to the opposite extreme, now...God doesn't want to change your tendency, He wants to redeem it..."
I guess this is kind of like God's business--it's what he's all about: buying back our broken, garage-sale junk (this who-would-ever-want-this-piece-of-crap-broken-toaster-but-I'm-going-to-put-a-price-on-it-and-see-what-happens junk)...and somehow, miraculously, magically, wonderfully, turning it into something beautiful. That's the business God is in. I don't get it, but it makes me so glad, because I'm one of those broken things that he's bought and is in the process of turning into something worthwhile.
Thanks, Jesus.
"I'm excited to see what God has for tomorrow...how he redeems the brokenness all around me into something far more beautiful than what I ever thought to ask Him for..." (words from the total stranger)
This idea of redeeming what is broken...has been coming up all around me recently. A song I heard in the car today:
"So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
‘Cause everybody’s broken..."
And something Bev said to me awhile ago...She had just finished pointing out a character issue I have...and, knowing that I'm a mel-head, she qualified her observation with another piece of wisdom that I've held in my pocket ever since: "Don't go to the opposite extreme, now...God doesn't want to change your tendency, He wants to redeem it..."
I guess this is kind of like God's business--it's what he's all about: buying back our broken, garage-sale junk (this who-would-ever-want-this-piece-of-crap-broken-toaster-but-I'm-going-to-put-a-price-on-it-and-see-what-happens junk)...and somehow, miraculously, magically, wonderfully, turning it into something beautiful. That's the business God is in. I don't get it, but it makes me so glad, because I'm one of those broken things that he's bought and is in the process of turning into something worthwhile.
Thanks, Jesus.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Fun stuff...
| Your Personality Profile |
 You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure.However, you do put some thought behind all your actions.Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time! |
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The speck of dust who enthralls You....
I'm just stuck on that line from one of Charlie Dodrill's songs--God has really been speaking to me through Charlie's music and through this particular song and that particular line in...well, particular.
Pastor Joey preached a sermon a few weeks ago entitled "It's Not About Me" and I guess I really needed to hear that...and, apparently, I need to hear it more than once, because it's one of those subjects that seems to be randomly and "coincidentally" popping up everywhere I go (I don't believe in coincidence, if you didn't already know that). I know that I forget sometimes that worship is...well, WORSHIP. Adoration and praise to the Creator who loves me and gives me immeasurable, undeserved grace--why wouldn't I adore Him? And yet, so many times, I find myself walking into church, hoping I'm going to "get" something out of the music and the sermon...and not giving a thought to what I'm going to give to Him. Sometimes I have the right attitude, sometimes my heart's been in a state of worship all week and church is just a place of corporately continuing what I've already been doing alone, but not always. So, I've been asking God to remind me...and He's been doing just that.
And one of those reminders has been through this song, "Under the Impression". People who are around me much are probably going to get tired of hearing me say "Listen to Charlie Dodrill. Go buy his CD...NOW!" I realize not everyone's wired like I am (be grateful!) and maybe God doesn't speak to you as much or in quite the same way as He does to me through music, but...I'm going to share the lyrics of this song, because I think it's an incredible reminder of the sovereignty of God and the UNsovereignty of me, but...even though I AM a "speck of dust" to Him, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made--made in HIS image and He loves me just the way He's created me--it just thrills my heart to think that *I* enthrall the Lord...wow. How could it get any better than that? I spend my time sometimes trying to impress people around me...and that's so NOTHING compared to the fact that the Lord knows everything about me and loves me--LOVES me...loves ME. Think on that for awhile--God loves YOU...for everything you are and even despite everything you're not.
"Under The Impression"--Charlie Dodrill
Lord I have trouble understanding anything--
Your deeds much less Your ways.
Confused by what I read and even what I sing
Will it be thus always?
I think perhaps my introspection is to blame
I think so selfishly.
I long for wisdom, but I'm still playing the game,
For I am under the impression that it's all for me.
Oh God, Your glory should be what consumes my heart
Hallowed be Thy name.
But I'm convinced I am the whole, not just a part,
Much to my great shame.
I need the vista from the fiery crystal sea,
I need it desperately.
If my perspective stays, I'll never find the key,
For I am under the impression that it's all for me.
Oh Lord to be consumed with Thee,
I want to be wise.
My Martha-mind is concerned about many things,
While disregarding the one.
Pre-occupied with all the things that have to do with me,
Not with Heaven's Son.
Lord, how am I supposed to apprehend anything
While I'm so big in my eyes?
Like Ptolemy, thinking all the worlds revolve around me,
I'm in for such a surprise.
Surprise me...
Lord, I wait for You to change the view
from where I'm standing.
To see You for who You are
And see me as the speck of dust who enthralls You,
Not some shining star.
And from my place prostrate down in the dust
I'll lift my gaze, Your face I'll see.
And for the first time in my life I will be
No longer under the impression that it's all for me.
Then I will be
Consumed with Thee,
At last I will be...
Wise.
No longer under the impression that it's all for me.
Pastor Joey preached a sermon a few weeks ago entitled "It's Not About Me" and I guess I really needed to hear that...and, apparently, I need to hear it more than once, because it's one of those subjects that seems to be randomly and "coincidentally" popping up everywhere I go (I don't believe in coincidence, if you didn't already know that). I know that I forget sometimes that worship is...well, WORSHIP. Adoration and praise to the Creator who loves me and gives me immeasurable, undeserved grace--why wouldn't I adore Him? And yet, so many times, I find myself walking into church, hoping I'm going to "get" something out of the music and the sermon...and not giving a thought to what I'm going to give to Him. Sometimes I have the right attitude, sometimes my heart's been in a state of worship all week and church is just a place of corporately continuing what I've already been doing alone, but not always. So, I've been asking God to remind me...and He's been doing just that.
And one of those reminders has been through this song, "Under the Impression". People who are around me much are probably going to get tired of hearing me say "Listen to Charlie Dodrill. Go buy his CD...NOW!" I realize not everyone's wired like I am (be grateful!) and maybe God doesn't speak to you as much or in quite the same way as He does to me through music, but...I'm going to share the lyrics of this song, because I think it's an incredible reminder of the sovereignty of God and the UNsovereignty of me, but...even though I AM a "speck of dust" to Him, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made--made in HIS image and He loves me just the way He's created me--it just thrills my heart to think that *I* enthrall the Lord...wow. How could it get any better than that? I spend my time sometimes trying to impress people around me...and that's so NOTHING compared to the fact that the Lord knows everything about me and loves me--LOVES me...loves ME. Think on that for awhile--God loves YOU...for everything you are and even despite everything you're not.
"Under The Impression"--Charlie Dodrill
Lord I have trouble understanding anything--
Your deeds much less Your ways.
Confused by what I read and even what I sing
Will it be thus always?
I think perhaps my introspection is to blame
I think so selfishly.
I long for wisdom, but I'm still playing the game,
For I am under the impression that it's all for me.
Oh God, Your glory should be what consumes my heart
Hallowed be Thy name.
But I'm convinced I am the whole, not just a part,
Much to my great shame.
I need the vista from the fiery crystal sea,
I need it desperately.
If my perspective stays, I'll never find the key,
For I am under the impression that it's all for me.
Oh Lord to be consumed with Thee,
I want to be wise.
My Martha-mind is concerned about many things,
While disregarding the one.
Pre-occupied with all the things that have to do with me,
Not with Heaven's Son.
Lord, how am I supposed to apprehend anything
While I'm so big in my eyes?
Like Ptolemy, thinking all the worlds revolve around me,
I'm in for such a surprise.
Surprise me...
Lord, I wait for You to change the view
from where I'm standing.
To see You for who You are
And see me as the speck of dust who enthralls You,
Not some shining star.
And from my place prostrate down in the dust
I'll lift my gaze, Your face I'll see.
And for the first time in my life I will be
No longer under the impression that it's all for me.
Then I will be
Consumed with Thee,
At last I will be...
Wise.
No longer under the impression that it's all for me.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Stay tuned...
I haven't left the building...and I really DO have some new things to say--I just haven't had the time to sit down and unjumble my jumbled-up thoughts. Life has been good and bad, really sad and really sweet, and just totally exhausting the past week or so. But in the midst of the sad and bad, God has been good and...PRESENT. In some really awesome ways. And I'm really grateful...I never want to lose sight of how blessed I am to have a Father who loves me so deeply and so wildly and so personally. He is amazing.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Another one....
| You Should Be A Poet |
 |
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The God of my bathroom floor...
(Randomosity warning--I have NO idea where this is going...I'm just rambling, because I think the Lord's trying to get a point across to me and I'm not catching it.)
WHAT was I thinking when I decided to put white flooring in my bathroom? Obviously, I wasn't thinking at all. I wasn't thinking about hairspray. Or my cat. Or shoes that I refuse to take off at the front door. And I never put all those things together to arrive at the conclusion that hairspray combined with profusely-shed cat fur combined with dirt from the bottom of my shoes combined with the water that the shedding cat flings all over the floor when she drinks from the toilet bowl (leave it to me to find a cat that refuses to drink from a "real" bowl") makes for a horrible, cement-like substance that hydrochloric acid MIGHT remove if given the opportunity.
So, there's been this little muddy pawprint (hmm...wonder who THAT culprit might be!) on my bathroom floor for...oh, about a week. Every time I look at it, I think "I need to mop the floor", but thinking was as far as it went. Tonight, when that thought crossed my mind, I grabbed the bottle of citrus cleaner and decided to do a little spot-removal. I sprayed the pawprint and wiped it up. Easy enough. Then, I noticed there was now a lovely paw-shaped WHITE spot in what had suddenly become a 4 foot square of dingy, not-so-clean-as-I thought flooring. That glaring white spot revealed just how dirty the surrounding floor was. I sprayed and wiped some more. More white. But now I could see some caked-on hairspray residue down in the cracks of the tile pattern. More spray, more scrubbing and some vowing to give up hairspray for what's left of Lent and maybe put the cat up for adoption. But I'm still not taking my shoes off at the front door. (And I'll more than likely keep the cat AND the hairspray, too.)
Where's the object lesson here? My heart is pretty much like my bathroom floor (now THAT'S an appealing thought, isn't it?!) Doesn't look too dirty, maybe a little smudged spot, relatively "clean" and presentable. But sometimes I get tired of looking at that smudge and ask God to bring in His handy-dandy spray bottle and mop it up. And THEN I see how much the rest of my presumedly "pretty clean" life dulls in comparison to that one shiny-bright white spot, so I invite God, in His best Jabez-fashion, to expand His territory and clean up a bigger spot.
To a casual observer who is not eyeing my bathroom-floor heart from a critical, closer-than-casual viewpoint, I probably looked "okay" with the smudge. I would definitely look "okay" after the territory-expanding second go-round with the cleaner. But the dirt is still there in the cracks. God knows it. I know it. Anyone who invests in my life in a serious, "authentic community", Body-of-Christ way is going to know it...and I actually want them to. I hope that they might even grab a brush and help Him dig the gunk out of the cracks.
I know I don't want to settle for just looking "good" from a distance. I know I'm imperfect and my heart is full of cracks and crevices filled with the world's crud, but I also know if I'm going to allow Him access to clean one spot, it's going to be a poor reflection on the rest of my dull, dingy, gray life, if I don't ask him to clean up the rest of it, down to the cracks that only HE can see.
"Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow..."
WHAT was I thinking when I decided to put white flooring in my bathroom? Obviously, I wasn't thinking at all. I wasn't thinking about hairspray. Or my cat. Or shoes that I refuse to take off at the front door. And I never put all those things together to arrive at the conclusion that hairspray combined with profusely-shed cat fur combined with dirt from the bottom of my shoes combined with the water that the shedding cat flings all over the floor when she drinks from the toilet bowl (leave it to me to find a cat that refuses to drink from a "real" bowl") makes for a horrible, cement-like substance that hydrochloric acid MIGHT remove if given the opportunity.
So, there's been this little muddy pawprint (hmm...wonder who THAT culprit might be!) on my bathroom floor for...oh, about a week. Every time I look at it, I think "I need to mop the floor", but thinking was as far as it went. Tonight, when that thought crossed my mind, I grabbed the bottle of citrus cleaner and decided to do a little spot-removal. I sprayed the pawprint and wiped it up. Easy enough. Then, I noticed there was now a lovely paw-shaped WHITE spot in what had suddenly become a 4 foot square of dingy, not-so-clean-as-I thought flooring. That glaring white spot revealed just how dirty the surrounding floor was. I sprayed and wiped some more. More white. But now I could see some caked-on hairspray residue down in the cracks of the tile pattern. More spray, more scrubbing and some vowing to give up hairspray for what's left of Lent and maybe put the cat up for adoption. But I'm still not taking my shoes off at the front door. (And I'll more than likely keep the cat AND the hairspray, too.)
Where's the object lesson here? My heart is pretty much like my bathroom floor (now THAT'S an appealing thought, isn't it?!) Doesn't look too dirty, maybe a little smudged spot, relatively "clean" and presentable. But sometimes I get tired of looking at that smudge and ask God to bring in His handy-dandy spray bottle and mop it up. And THEN I see how much the rest of my presumedly "pretty clean" life dulls in comparison to that one shiny-bright white spot, so I invite God, in His best Jabez-fashion, to expand His territory and clean up a bigger spot.
To a casual observer who is not eyeing my bathroom-floor heart from a critical, closer-than-casual viewpoint, I probably looked "okay" with the smudge. I would definitely look "okay" after the territory-expanding second go-round with the cleaner. But the dirt is still there in the cracks. God knows it. I know it. Anyone who invests in my life in a serious, "authentic community", Body-of-Christ way is going to know it...and I actually want them to. I hope that they might even grab a brush and help Him dig the gunk out of the cracks.
I know I don't want to settle for just looking "good" from a distance. I know I'm imperfect and my heart is full of cracks and crevices filled with the world's crud, but I also know if I'm going to allow Him access to clean one spot, it's going to be a poor reflection on the rest of my dull, dingy, gray life, if I don't ask him to clean up the rest of it, down to the cracks that only HE can see.
"Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow..."
Monday, March 27, 2006
Not even CLOSE to Christmas, but...
...this made me laugh. Because that's exactly what my Christmas tree looks like every year.
| You Are a Cranberry and Popcorn Strung Tree |
 Christmas is all about showcasing your creative talents. From cookies to nicely wrapped presents, your unique creations impress everyone. |
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Addendum to the fasting post...
I've been a little tardy in posting the comments that Chad emailed to me (and I'm wondering why he didn't just go ahead and post them here himself, since he replied to one of my other posts!) ;-) Anyway, since I've added several other entries since then, I thought I would just start a new post with his comments and bring it back to the top. I really haven't had much time this week to study more deeply the Scriptures I listed, so I'm just going to quote Chad and not comment myself for right now. These are some notes he compiled while he was doing a group Bible study awhile back.
(Disclaimer: The following statements [Scripture excluded, of course] are the views of CHAD and do not necessarily represent the beliefs/opinions of this blogger...although they might.) ;-)
(I really just wanted an excuse to use brackets...I so rarely have the opportunity to insert a parenthetical statement inside a parenthetical statement...I'm a geek, what can I say?!)
Fasting
What is it?
Not eating for the purpose of:
Mourning -1 Sam 31:11-13
The followers of King Saul fasted for seven days following his death. The Israelites were known for their public emotional displays, wailing at funerals (they even hired professional "wailers" to come to big funerals) etc. This kind of fasting was a sign of their grief. Job's friends came and sat with him in his misery for seven days before they spoke. They tore their clothes and put ashes and dust on their heads. This kind of fasting is a heartfelt pain or grief, a display of extreme sorrow or regret
Other passages dealing with fasting because of mourning - see Judges 20:26, II Sam 1:12, Neh 1:4, Joel 2:12, Mt 9:14-15.
Humbling -1 Ki 21:1-29
King Ahab, though he was a bad king, humbled himself before the Lord and the Lord relented and did not bring disaster on him at that point Fasting, in some sense, is of use to the believer for humility before the Lord.
Other passages dealing with fasting for humbling - see Ezra 8:21, Ps 35:13, Isaiah 58:3.
Worship-Luke 2:37
Fasting is associated with worship in the figure of Anna, who"... worshipped night and day, fasting and praying." Fasting apparently has merit of its own when done as a pleasing worship to the Lord. Other passages dealing with fasting and worship - see Acts 13:2
Seeking God's Will/Request of God - 2 Saml2:16-23, Judges 20:26-28
David fasted and pleaded with God for the life of his young son. Again this may be associated with the outward _expression of emotion and is heartfelt in request of God. In the second passage we see the Israelites asking God what they should do (seeking His will) in the situation with the Benjamites. Fasting seems to be connected with asking of God, particularly in dire circumstances.
Other passages dealing with fasting and requests of God/ seeking His will - see 11 Chron. 20:1-17, Ezra 8:21, Esther 4:16,
What fasting is not:
Ritual-Isaiah58
Fasting for fasting sake is not what is pleasing to God. If we fast but do not turn to God and away from sin, what good is the symbolic humility? Col 2:18 shows us that legalistic, false humility is not pleasing to God.
For the applause of men - Mt 6:16
Jesus is very clear that fasting should not be used to improve one's image or appearance before others. It should not be used to make one appear more "spiritual" than another, and should be a private experience between the believer and the Father.
What's its use/importance for us?
Reward-Mt. 6:16
Scripture does not specify what this particular reward is, but Jesus is clear that there is a reward for fasting humbly before the Lord without the praise or recognition of people.
Humility-Ps. 69:10
David says in this psalm that he is humbled or "scorned" when fasting. Other passages we have already looked at talk about humility and humbling in fasting. There are numerous passages in scripture telling us to come before the lord with humility. (Php 2:3, Tit 3:2 etc.) We can certainly benefit from anything that causes us to see ourselves in an appropriate light before God because He "opposes the proud" .(James 4:6)
Confession - Neh 1:4-7
Fasting is associated with confession as Nehemiah fasts and confesses the national sins of Israel. Other passages dealing with fasting and confession - see Dan 9:3-5. Confession is an important part of our lives until Christ returns as we can well see in 1 John 1:9, James 5:16.
Repentance - Jonah 3:3-10
The Ninevites repented (turned away from sin) and God spared the city. True confession and repentance go hand in hand. Neh 1:8-9 also seems to associate Nehemiah's fasting with repentance. In the new testament Peter associates repentance with salvation. (Acts 2:38) True repentance is not just turning away from sin but towards God in faith.
Heart Change - Isaiah 58
This passage is the strongest statement yet of the nature of fasting and it's misuse. Fasting was supposed to help to bring humility to the people and to draw them to God in an appropriate manner, but they used the mere tradition while not allowing the righteousness of God to permeate the other aspects of their lives. In essence, they were hypocritical in that they fasted and called on the name of the Lord but they then exploited their workers, quarreled, and fought, and did not help the poor. Fasting should be something indicative of a true heart change, a sorrow over sin and a turning from it, an offering to the Lord of worship, and a pleading with the Lord in dependence on Him alone.
This is purely speculative, but I believe that fasting may be a picture of our dependence on God. Our hunger and our need are ultimately pictures of our necessity of right relationship with our maker. Just as man cannot live without food, man was designed for a relationship with God. Nothing would be more humbling for a proud, self-sufficient person than the constant pangs of hunger reminding him of his immediate and constant need. When all our needs are satisfied, if even for a moment, we have a greater tendency to feel self-sufficient and not to lean of God. Our immediate and constant need is for deliverance from sin that only comes in the gift of Christ on the cross.
Petition-2 Sam 12:16-23
As we have seen in this passage already, David pleaded with the Lord for the life of his son while his son was still alive. We may also use fasting in our requests before the Lord, both for answers/guidance in issues of his will, and for particular requests of need and desire.
Worship-Luke 2:37
We saw in the characters of Anna and of Paul that the discipline of fasting is a way of worship in and of itself.
Commission etc. - Acts 13:2-3,14:23
We also see fasting used in association with commissioning of people to ministry. It would seem that the importance of the call to ministry is emphasized by prayer and fasting, and is a good way to launch a new start for the Lord.
(Disclaimer: The following statements [Scripture excluded, of course] are the views of CHAD and do not necessarily represent the beliefs/opinions of this blogger...although they might.) ;-)
(I really just wanted an excuse to use brackets...I so rarely have the opportunity to insert a parenthetical statement inside a parenthetical statement...I'm a geek, what can I say?!)
Fasting
What is it?
Not eating for the purpose of:
Mourning -1 Sam 31:11-13
The followers of King Saul fasted for seven days following his death. The Israelites were known for their public emotional displays, wailing at funerals (they even hired professional "wailers" to come to big funerals) etc. This kind of fasting was a sign of their grief. Job's friends came and sat with him in his misery for seven days before they spoke. They tore their clothes and put ashes and dust on their heads. This kind of fasting is a heartfelt pain or grief, a display of extreme sorrow or regret
Other passages dealing with fasting because of mourning - see Judges 20:26, II Sam 1:12, Neh 1:4, Joel 2:12, Mt 9:14-15.
Humbling -1 Ki 21:1-29
King Ahab, though he was a bad king, humbled himself before the Lord and the Lord relented and did not bring disaster on him at that point Fasting, in some sense, is of use to the believer for humility before the Lord.
Other passages dealing with fasting for humbling - see Ezra 8:21, Ps 35:13, Isaiah 58:3.
Worship-Luke 2:37
Fasting is associated with worship in the figure of Anna, who"... worshipped night and day, fasting and praying." Fasting apparently has merit of its own when done as a pleasing worship to the Lord. Other passages dealing with fasting and worship - see Acts 13:2
Seeking God's Will/Request of God - 2 Saml2:16-23, Judges 20:26-28
David fasted and pleaded with God for the life of his young son. Again this may be associated with the outward _expression of emotion and is heartfelt in request of God. In the second passage we see the Israelites asking God what they should do (seeking His will) in the situation with the Benjamites. Fasting seems to be connected with asking of God, particularly in dire circumstances.
Other passages dealing with fasting and requests of God/ seeking His will - see 11 Chron. 20:1-17, Ezra 8:21, Esther 4:16,
What fasting is not:
Ritual-Isaiah58
Fasting for fasting sake is not what is pleasing to God. If we fast but do not turn to God and away from sin, what good is the symbolic humility? Col 2:18 shows us that legalistic, false humility is not pleasing to God.
For the applause of men - Mt 6:16
Jesus is very clear that fasting should not be used to improve one's image or appearance before others. It should not be used to make one appear more "spiritual" than another, and should be a private experience between the believer and the Father.
What's its use/importance for us?
Reward-Mt. 6:16
Scripture does not specify what this particular reward is, but Jesus is clear that there is a reward for fasting humbly before the Lord without the praise or recognition of people.
Humility-Ps. 69:10
David says in this psalm that he is humbled or "scorned" when fasting. Other passages we have already looked at talk about humility and humbling in fasting. There are numerous passages in scripture telling us to come before the lord with humility. (Php 2:3, Tit 3:2 etc.) We can certainly benefit from anything that causes us to see ourselves in an appropriate light before God because He "opposes the proud" .(James 4:6)
Confession - Neh 1:4-7
Fasting is associated with confession as Nehemiah fasts and confesses the national sins of Israel. Other passages dealing with fasting and confession - see Dan 9:3-5. Confession is an important part of our lives until Christ returns as we can well see in 1 John 1:9, James 5:16.
Repentance - Jonah 3:3-10
The Ninevites repented (turned away from sin) and God spared the city. True confession and repentance go hand in hand. Neh 1:8-9 also seems to associate Nehemiah's fasting with repentance. In the new testament Peter associates repentance with salvation. (Acts 2:38) True repentance is not just turning away from sin but towards God in faith.
Heart Change - Isaiah 58
This passage is the strongest statement yet of the nature of fasting and it's misuse. Fasting was supposed to help to bring humility to the people and to draw them to God in an appropriate manner, but they used the mere tradition while not allowing the righteousness of God to permeate the other aspects of their lives. In essence, they were hypocritical in that they fasted and called on the name of the Lord but they then exploited their workers, quarreled, and fought, and did not help the poor. Fasting should be something indicative of a true heart change, a sorrow over sin and a turning from it, an offering to the Lord of worship, and a pleading with the Lord in dependence on Him alone.
This is purely speculative, but I believe that fasting may be a picture of our dependence on God. Our hunger and our need are ultimately pictures of our necessity of right relationship with our maker. Just as man cannot live without food, man was designed for a relationship with God. Nothing would be more humbling for a proud, self-sufficient person than the constant pangs of hunger reminding him of his immediate and constant need. When all our needs are satisfied, if even for a moment, we have a greater tendency to feel self-sufficient and not to lean of God. Our immediate and constant need is for deliverance from sin that only comes in the gift of Christ on the cross.
Petition-2 Sam 12:16-23
As we have seen in this passage already, David pleaded with the Lord for the life of his son while his son was still alive. We may also use fasting in our requests before the Lord, both for answers/guidance in issues of his will, and for particular requests of need and desire.
Worship-Luke 2:37
We saw in the characters of Anna and of Paul that the discipline of fasting is a way of worship in and of itself.
Commission etc. - Acts 13:2-3,14:23
We also see fasting used in association with commissioning of people to ministry. It would seem that the importance of the call to ministry is emphasized by prayer and fasting, and is a good way to launch a new start for the Lord.
My latest music addiction...
His name is Charlie Dodrill. I found him here on MySpaceMusic. If you're interested, you can read his story, either there or on his website, www.charliedodrill.com . In his "former life", he was a monk and started writing/playing music as his expression of love and worship to God. I'm totally hooked on his sound and his lyrics. If you check him out, let me know what you think!
Friday, March 24, 2006
The story of Ruth and Boaz...
This story has just been speaking VOLUMES to me lately...the Lord keeps bringing it to my mind at every turn. Boaz was a man of amazing integrity and honor and I find more to admire about Ruth every time I read this story. So...here it is.
Ruth 3 (NIV)
Ruth and Boaz at the Threshing Floor 1 One day Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, "My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be well provided for? 2 Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. 3 Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."
5 "I will do whatever you say," Ruth answered. 6 So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do.
7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet.
9 "Who are you?" he asked. "I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer."
10 "The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11 And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. 12 Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the LORD lives I will do it. Lie here until morning."
14 So she lay at his feet until morning, but got up before anyone could be recognized; and he said, "Don't let it be known that a woman came to the threshing floor."
15 He also said, "Bring me the shawl you are wearing and hold it out." When she did so, he poured into it six measures of barley and put it on her. Then he went back to town.
16 When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, "How did it go, my daughter?" Then she told her everything Boaz had done for her 17 and added, "He gave me these six measures of barley, saying, 'Don't go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.' "
18 Then Naomi said, "Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today."
Ruth 3 (NIV)
Ruth and Boaz at the Threshing Floor 1 One day Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, "My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be well provided for? 2 Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. 3 Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."
5 "I will do whatever you say," Ruth answered. 6 So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do.
7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet.
9 "Who are you?" he asked. "I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer."
10 "The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11 And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. 12 Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the LORD lives I will do it. Lie here until morning."
14 So she lay at his feet until morning, but got up before anyone could be recognized; and he said, "Don't let it be known that a woman came to the threshing floor."
15 He also said, "Bring me the shawl you are wearing and hold it out." When she did so, he poured into it six measures of barley and put it on her. Then he went back to town.
16 When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, "How did it go, my daughter?" Then she told her everything Boaz had done for her 17 and added, "He gave me these six measures of barley, saying, 'Don't go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.' "
18 Then Naomi said, "Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today."
Monday, March 20, 2006
Surrendering to the quiz temptation!
I just couldn't resist, since it's all about GREEN...
| You Are Olive Green |
 You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself. For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself. You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you. People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know. |
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Everything's coming up daffodils!!
I love spring. Trees are budding, the sun is shining, daffodils and crocus are blooming, grass is growing, everything's turning GREEN again and it's beautiful. A new day, a new season, a new life--a new beginning. Spring is such an incredible reminder of God's unending grace...how He takes the ugly, colorless, dead things in our lives and, with one transforming breath, makes them all new and beautiful again. And He does it again and again...and again. Without fail. No matter how cold and lifeless we've become.
I'm so glad I've been feeling that transforming breath lately. I'm glad my world is greener again. And I'm glad my heart is, too.
I'm so glad I've been feeling that transforming breath lately. I'm glad my world is greener again. And I'm glad my heart is, too.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
On the subject of fasting...
...I have some questions. Maybe someone has some answers? :-) I would like to present my questions in an unbiased fashion, but I'm relatively certain that's not going to happen, so...please wade through my puddles of preconceived prejudices as best you can!
I listened to a sermon tonight on the subject of fasting. The speaker was the pastor of a church in Florida and he encourages the members of his church to go on a 21-day fast at the beginning of each year in order to seek God's favor, spiritually, financially, medically, etc.
He gave several Scripture references which I, unfortunately, didn't write down as he was speaking, so I'm going to have to rely on my semi-faulty memory until I can go back and listen to him again and get the exact references.
He started by saying that, for a Christian, fasting is NOT an "option", because the Scriptures give three "definites"--"when you pray", "when you give", and "when you fast" (not "IF" you pray, fast, or give). I don't have a problem with that...there have been times that I've known God has called me to fast from something (sometimes food, sometimes other things) for a period of time and it's never seemed like a weird "out there" thing to do.
What I DID have a problem with was the fact that he seemed to be saying IF you fast, God is required to honor that fast by blessing you with unexpected financial gain, miraculous healing of health problems (he said that at the end of their church's fast each year, infertile couples immediately get pregnant), other life successes, etc. I'm having a difficult time digesting that in the way I'm interpreting it...has my God been reduced to no more than a puppet on the end of a string I'm yanking? And he said that God honors proportionally--if you fast for half a day, He's going to honor that and bless your small effort, but those who fast for a whole day, or a whole week, or a whole month, He's going to bless more--drop some more fasting time into the vending machine and you get a more expensive selection of blessings to choose from, eh?
He DID quote a verse from the second chapter of Joel, so I looked it up and read the entire chapter, which seems to me to head in an ENTIRELY different direction than he was taking--the chapter DOES talk about fasting, but they way I'm reading it, it's more about repentance ('"return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning") and it's the rending of the people's hearts in repentance that leads to His turning back to them with compassion and blessing.
I'm going to study this some more and read all of the Scriptures regarding fasting, but I would really like to hear what some of y'all have to say about the subject. What do YOU think about fasting? Do you think I'm being overly critical of this sermon and maybe misinterpreting what he's saying? (I know, that's hard to answer since you haven't heard the sermon! I'll be glad to let anyone borrow the CD if you want to listen to it for yourself.)
Meanwhile, here are the verses from Joel 2 (from the NIV)--I've bold-faced what appeared especially relevant to me.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
I listened to a sermon tonight on the subject of fasting. The speaker was the pastor of a church in Florida and he encourages the members of his church to go on a 21-day fast at the beginning of each year in order to seek God's favor, spiritually, financially, medically, etc.
He gave several Scripture references which I, unfortunately, didn't write down as he was speaking, so I'm going to have to rely on my semi-faulty memory until I can go back and listen to him again and get the exact references.
He started by saying that, for a Christian, fasting is NOT an "option", because the Scriptures give three "definites"--"when you pray", "when you give", and "when you fast" (not "IF" you pray, fast, or give). I don't have a problem with that...there have been times that I've known God has called me to fast from something (sometimes food, sometimes other things) for a period of time and it's never seemed like a weird "out there" thing to do.
What I DID have a problem with was the fact that he seemed to be saying IF you fast, God is required to honor that fast by blessing you with unexpected financial gain, miraculous healing of health problems (he said that at the end of their church's fast each year, infertile couples immediately get pregnant), other life successes, etc. I'm having a difficult time digesting that in the way I'm interpreting it...has my God been reduced to no more than a puppet on the end of a string I'm yanking? And he said that God honors proportionally--if you fast for half a day, He's going to honor that and bless your small effort, but those who fast for a whole day, or a whole week, or a whole month, He's going to bless more--drop some more fasting time into the vending machine and you get a more expensive selection of blessings to choose from, eh?
He DID quote a verse from the second chapter of Joel, so I looked it up and read the entire chapter, which seems to me to head in an ENTIRELY different direction than he was taking--the chapter DOES talk about fasting, but they way I'm reading it, it's more about repentance ('"return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning") and it's the rending of the people's hearts in repentance that leads to His turning back to them with compassion and blessing.
I'm going to study this some more and read all of the Scriptures regarding fasting, but I would really like to hear what some of y'all have to say about the subject. What do YOU think about fasting? Do you think I'm being overly critical of this sermon and maybe misinterpreting what he's saying? (I know, that's hard to answer since you haven't heard the sermon! I'll be glad to let anyone borrow the CD if you want to listen to it for yourself.)
Meanwhile, here are the verses from Joel 2 (from the NIV)--I've bold-faced what appeared especially relevant to me.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Monday, March 13, 2006
In a Rilke frame of mind...
This is my all-time favorite Rainer Maria Rilke poem. For a lot of reasons. A lot of reasons I was thinking about tonight. Which, of course, made me think of the poem. And made me want to share it. So...
Love Song---Rainer Maria Rilke
How shall I hold on to my soul, so that
it does not touch yours? How shall I lift
it gently up over you on to other things?
I would so very much like to tuck it away
among long lost objects in the dark,
in some quiet, unknown place, somewhere
which remains motionless when your depths resound.
And yet everything which touches us, you and me,
takes us together like a single bow,
drawing out from two strings but one voice.
On which instrument are we strung?
And which violinist holds us in his hand?
O sweetest of songs.
Love Song---Rainer Maria Rilke
How shall I hold on to my soul, so that
it does not touch yours? How shall I lift
it gently up over you on to other things?
I would so very much like to tuck it away
among long lost objects in the dark,
in some quiet, unknown place, somewhere
which remains motionless when your depths resound.
And yet everything which touches us, you and me,
takes us together like a single bow,
drawing out from two strings but one voice.
On which instrument are we strung?
And which violinist holds us in his hand?
O sweetest of songs.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
We weren't even close!!
How many people can name the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World? We tried tonight...and I think we got TWO of the seven! I think I need to go back to school. Here they are...courtesy of our friends at Wikipedia:
the Great Pyramid of Giza
the Hanging Gardens of Babylon
the Statue of Zeus at Olympia
the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
the Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus
the Colossus of Rhodes
the Lighthouse of Alexandria
the Great Pyramid of Giza
the Hanging Gardens of Babylon
the Statue of Zeus at Olympia
the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
the Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus
the Colossus of Rhodes
the Lighthouse of Alexandria
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Maybe I should rename this poem...
...and call it "Blog World" or something! :-)
Since several of us keep coming back to the "community" subject, I thought I would post this poem that I wrote a few years ago--it seems to fit. I'm so grateful for the community of friends I'm developing here, but by virtue of our Creator's design, I DO long for more...for the hug of a friend, for the laughter, the tears, the warmth in a smile that can only be experienced fully in the physical presence of those dear to me. The Lord keeps impressing on me the whole "body of Christ" concept...and body parts work best when they aren't severed and separated from one another!
Chat Room
Faceless bodies, voiceless words—
A cacophony of silent cries
Begging to be heard.
We bare our souls,
Reveling in anonymity,
And miss altogether what our
Nameless keystrokes preclude…
The warmth in a smile,
A brow furrowed in concern,
The touch of a friend—
The touch.
Since several of us keep coming back to the "community" subject, I thought I would post this poem that I wrote a few years ago--it seems to fit. I'm so grateful for the community of friends I'm developing here, but by virtue of our Creator's design, I DO long for more...for the hug of a friend, for the laughter, the tears, the warmth in a smile that can only be experienced fully in the physical presence of those dear to me. The Lord keeps impressing on me the whole "body of Christ" concept...and body parts work best when they aren't severed and separated from one another!
Chat Room
Faceless bodies, voiceless words—
A cacophony of silent cries
Begging to be heard.
We bare our souls,
Reveling in anonymity,
And miss altogether what our
Nameless keystrokes preclude…
The warmth in a smile,
A brow furrowed in concern,
The touch of a friend—
The touch.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Rekindling an old "flame"...
Some of you know that I used to play the violin. Well, I used to take lessons and ATTEMPT to play the violin, anyway. I quit taking lessons a couple of years ago, partly for financial reasons, but mainly because I just had to walk away from some of the things in my past and start some new things just to maintain my sanity--there were days that the "ghosts" living in my house seemed all-too-real and what better to drag up an old ghost than a haunting violin melody?
So...every once in awhile, I would drag out my violin and look at it, but I had damaged the bow and didn't have a tuner, so I couldn't have played it even if I had wanted to. My violin is beautiful--it's about 100 years old and has a gorgeous tone when played by someone who knows what they're doing.
A few months, the desire to gaze at my violin started being replaced by the desire to actually PLAY it again. I bought a new bow and a tuner, but I was still hesitant. What if I had completely forgotten everything I had learned? What if all I could manage was a few screechy noises? What if I stirred up some of those old sleeping ghosts and had to slog through some of the mostly-forgotten junk again?
Yesterday, I did it--I took a deep breath, tuned my violin, picked up my new bow and...managed to squeak out a couple of old hymns from memory. I was encouraged! I found some other hymns online, downloaded and printed them and went to work learning a couple of new songs. Now, we're not talking ready-for-the-symphony kind of playing here, but I WAS playing and I COULD recognize the songs! It was very encouraging. Tonight, when I got home, I couldn't wait to pick up my violin again and do some practicing.
I think the Lord is using this little "object lesson" to gently nudge me and remind me that there are OTHER areas in my life in which I've taken a few steps backwards out of fear of...whatever--various and sundry things. I'm reminded of that story/song about the touch of the Master's hand, though--I want to be the violin in His hands. I hope as I grow older, my character will deepen and my tone will grow richer...and that I'll be a willing instrument in His hands. I may wear some scars and dents, but they don't render me useless. It's time to sweep off the cobwebs, drag out the polishing cloth, tune up the strings, place myself in His hands and get on with the business of playing the melody He's composed just for me. I may screech now and then, but it's better than remaining silent...and, with practice, my song might just become sweeter.
So...every once in awhile, I would drag out my violin and look at it, but I had damaged the bow and didn't have a tuner, so I couldn't have played it even if I had wanted to. My violin is beautiful--it's about 100 years old and has a gorgeous tone when played by someone who knows what they're doing.
A few months, the desire to gaze at my violin started being replaced by the desire to actually PLAY it again. I bought a new bow and a tuner, but I was still hesitant. What if I had completely forgotten everything I had learned? What if all I could manage was a few screechy noises? What if I stirred up some of those old sleeping ghosts and had to slog through some of the mostly-forgotten junk again?
Yesterday, I did it--I took a deep breath, tuned my violin, picked up my new bow and...managed to squeak out a couple of old hymns from memory. I was encouraged! I found some other hymns online, downloaded and printed them and went to work learning a couple of new songs. Now, we're not talking ready-for-the-symphony kind of playing here, but I WAS playing and I COULD recognize the songs! It was very encouraging. Tonight, when I got home, I couldn't wait to pick up my violin again and do some practicing.
I think the Lord is using this little "object lesson" to gently nudge me and remind me that there are OTHER areas in my life in which I've taken a few steps backwards out of fear of...whatever--various and sundry things. I'm reminded of that story/song about the touch of the Master's hand, though--I want to be the violin in His hands. I hope as I grow older, my character will deepen and my tone will grow richer...and that I'll be a willing instrument in His hands. I may wear some scars and dents, but they don't render me useless. It's time to sweep off the cobwebs, drag out the polishing cloth, tune up the strings, place myself in His hands and get on with the business of playing the melody He's composed just for me. I may screech now and then, but it's better than remaining silent...and, with practice, my song might just become sweeter.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
So...my template is all messed up...
I have NO idea what I did...it happened when I pasted in the watermelon story--all of my profile/link information got bumped to the bottom of the page and I don't know how to fix it.
Actually, if I could figure out how to change the entire template, I would. I found this REALLY COOL one called "fava beans and a glass of merlot" or something like that--it's beautiful and totally me, but I'm bloggerly-challenged enough yet that I just can't figure out how to set it up. Someday... :-)
Actually, if I could figure out how to change the entire template, I would. I found this REALLY COOL one called "fava beans and a glass of merlot" or something like that--it's beautiful and totally me, but I'm bloggerly-challenged enough yet that I just can't figure out how to set it up. Someday... :-)
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Some people write about cookies...
...I write about watermelons. :-)
This is actually something I wrote a couple of years ago, but I got some REALLY nice compliments on it recently, so I thought I would post it here. (Forewarning: it's really long...and that's after major editing!)
About watermelons...I've been meditating on this rather large fruit (is a melon really a fruit, or is it just a melon? And does it really matter?) and the verse (I think it's in Isaiah) that keeps coming to mind is "man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart." That verse seems to be cropping up a lot lately...probably for VERY good reason.
A dear friend recently made a comment about wanting to "core" a relationship beforehand to see what's really there, just as we would core a watermelon to check it out its flavor before plunking down our hard-earned cash to purchase something that may or may not taste as good as it looks. To a great extent, we DO "shop" for relationships like we might shop for a watermelon--we want someone who meets our criteria, whatever that might be--looks, personality, good sense of humor, sensitivity, great body, sexual prowess, talents that we lack ourselves, etc.
Most of that is "outward appearance"...and extraneous--it might not all be technically "physical" attributes, but as far as truly "real" spiritual qualities, very few people seem to want anything but surface characteristics.
So, we mull over all these "skin-deep" qualities that we want...and find out after we get our "watermelon" home (after it's too late!) that, when we slice it open, it may be under-ripe, overripe, not sweet at all, too seedy--and doesn't meet up to our expectations of what we thought we were getting when we looked at that beautiful green-striped skin. We KNOW what a good watermelon should taste like...but we, in our untrained naïveté, believe that anything that looks like a "good" watermelon should automatically taste like a good watermelon—some foolish thinking on our part.
So...what do we do? Suck it up and make the best of it? Sometimes we can do that...it may not be "great", but we can still have some satisfaction and sustenance, even if it doesn't totally live up to our expectations. Dump it in the trash and go buy another melon? All too often, as is obvious from the world of broken relationships around us. Gripe and complain about the poor-quality merchandise, whether we keep it or ditch it? Oh, yeah...on an ongoing basis usually.
Now here we are, all about picking a watermelon that looks good...or picking a relationship that we think fits our "criteria"—but we’re looking at the "outward appearance", when the Scripture plainly says that the LORD looks on the heart. How can we possibly choose for ourselves the perfect "watermelon" without allowing the Lord to "core" the relationship beforehand?
A little "editorial license" here--picture God as the farmer/roadside stand operator with a truckful of watermelons. He has grown His melons from seed, cultivated and cared for them as they grew to maturity and ripeness and is now making them available for consumption on the open market...kind of like the Lord does with our hearts (knowing us before we were born, knitting us together in our mother's wombs, teaching us as we grow). We, as inexperienced consumers, really know nothing except that we want a good watermelon...so why would we not ask the experienced farmer for a little guidance in choosing?
As the Lord looks on the heart, so the farmer knows the "heart" of the watermelons...it's HIS produce, and therefore his privilege to "core" the melon to make sure it's the one that is perfect for us. Since I've not actually purchased the melon, it's not MY property and I don't hold the right to take a chunk out of it to see if I like it...I should hand it to him willingly and allow HIM to do the slicing, shouldn't I? I should definitely be willing to trust the Farmer...the Grower Himself, to determine, based on His ability to look on the heart (of a person, of a relationship, of anything), to determine if it's right for me. And He holds an advantage over most roadside stand operators—not only has He created the fruit, but also the consumer—He knows me (and my tastebuds) intimately.
How many of us are truly willing to hold our relationships up to the Lord PRIOR to making the decision that it's what we want? What if He says "no"? Will He then have to pry our fingers off of it and put it back on the shelf? Or will we, like the mostly-disobedient children we are, just stomp off with it anyway? But, what if He smiles kindly, reaches into the pile and says “I was waiting for you...I’ve been holding this one just for you?” What if He, in His infinite wisdom, has grown just the perfect relationship, out of His complete knowledge of our hearts? A "watermelon" with just the right amount of sweetness, the perfect color, firmness, ripeness? Knowing us as He does, would He not delight in giving us the desires of our heart? And we might miss it, if we're not careful.
I don't want to miss what He has in store for me! As hard as it is to turn my eyes away from that stack of luscious-looking watermelons, just ripe for the picking...I want to hand that decision over to the Grower--and let Him hand me the one He's made just for me. I know I’m no watermelon expert...I've wrestled one out of His hands already and am now looking at the remains all splattered on the sidewalk (never a pretty sight!)--and I've determined that the only thing my hands are going to do, given another chance, is reach for Him.
This is actually something I wrote a couple of years ago, but I got some REALLY nice compliments on it recently, so I thought I would post it here. (Forewarning: it's really long...and that's after major editing!)
About watermelons...I've been meditating on this rather large fruit (is a melon really a fruit, or is it just a melon? And does it really matter?) and the verse (I think it's in Isaiah) that keeps coming to mind is "man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart." That verse seems to be cropping up a lot lately...probably for VERY good reason.
A dear friend recently made a comment about wanting to "core" a relationship beforehand to see what's really there, just as we would core a watermelon to check it out its flavor before plunking down our hard-earned cash to purchase something that may or may not taste as good as it looks. To a great extent, we DO "shop" for relationships like we might shop for a watermelon--we want someone who meets our criteria, whatever that might be--looks, personality, good sense of humor, sensitivity, great body, sexual prowess, talents that we lack ourselves, etc.
Most of that is "outward appearance"...and extraneous--it might not all be technically "physical" attributes, but as far as truly "real" spiritual qualities, very few people seem to want anything but surface characteristics.
So, we mull over all these "skin-deep" qualities that we want...and find out after we get our "watermelon" home (after it's too late!) that, when we slice it open, it may be under-ripe, overripe, not sweet at all, too seedy--and doesn't meet up to our expectations of what we thought we were getting when we looked at that beautiful green-striped skin. We KNOW what a good watermelon should taste like...but we, in our untrained naïveté, believe that anything that looks like a "good" watermelon should automatically taste like a good watermelon—some foolish thinking on our part.
So...what do we do? Suck it up and make the best of it? Sometimes we can do that...it may not be "great", but we can still have some satisfaction and sustenance, even if it doesn't totally live up to our expectations. Dump it in the trash and go buy another melon? All too often, as is obvious from the world of broken relationships around us. Gripe and complain about the poor-quality merchandise, whether we keep it or ditch it? Oh, yeah...on an ongoing basis usually.
Now here we are, all about picking a watermelon that looks good...or picking a relationship that we think fits our "criteria"—but we’re looking at the "outward appearance", when the Scripture plainly says that the LORD looks on the heart. How can we possibly choose for ourselves the perfect "watermelon" without allowing the Lord to "core" the relationship beforehand?
A little "editorial license" here--picture God as the farmer/roadside stand operator with a truckful of watermelons. He has grown His melons from seed, cultivated and cared for them as they grew to maturity and ripeness and is now making them available for consumption on the open market...kind of like the Lord does with our hearts (knowing us before we were born, knitting us together in our mother's wombs, teaching us as we grow). We, as inexperienced consumers, really know nothing except that we want a good watermelon...so why would we not ask the experienced farmer for a little guidance in choosing?
As the Lord looks on the heart, so the farmer knows the "heart" of the watermelons...it's HIS produce, and therefore his privilege to "core" the melon to make sure it's the one that is perfect for us. Since I've not actually purchased the melon, it's not MY property and I don't hold the right to take a chunk out of it to see if I like it...I should hand it to him willingly and allow HIM to do the slicing, shouldn't I? I should definitely be willing to trust the Farmer...the Grower Himself, to determine, based on His ability to look on the heart (of a person, of a relationship, of anything), to determine if it's right for me. And He holds an advantage over most roadside stand operators—not only has He created the fruit, but also the consumer—He knows me (and my tastebuds) intimately.
How many of us are truly willing to hold our relationships up to the Lord PRIOR to making the decision that it's what we want? What if He says "no"? Will He then have to pry our fingers off of it and put it back on the shelf? Or will we, like the mostly-disobedient children we are, just stomp off with it anyway? But, what if He smiles kindly, reaches into the pile and says “I was waiting for you...I’ve been holding this one just for you?” What if He, in His infinite wisdom, has grown just the perfect relationship, out of His complete knowledge of our hearts? A "watermelon" with just the right amount of sweetness, the perfect color, firmness, ripeness? Knowing us as He does, would He not delight in giving us the desires of our heart? And we might miss it, if we're not careful.
I don't want to miss what He has in store for me! As hard as it is to turn my eyes away from that stack of luscious-looking watermelons, just ripe for the picking...I want to hand that decision over to the Grower--and let Him hand me the one He's made just for me. I know I’m no watermelon expert...I've wrestled one out of His hands already and am now looking at the remains all splattered on the sidewalk (never a pretty sight!)--and I've determined that the only thing my hands are going to do, given another chance, is reach for Him.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Why does life hurt so badly sometimes?
I was talking to a friend tonight who is going through a really tough time dealing with some issues with his ex-wife...one of those situations where, when given an opportunity to wound, she seizes it. My friend is trying to honor the Lord in his dealings with her, but there's always that temptation to strike back--I know it well from my own battles.
Even though I've been there and even though I've often prayed that God would give me the opportunity to speak peace and comfort to someone else walking a path I've walked, it still seems so...I don't know--condescending? I'm not sure that's exactly the word I'm looking for. He is hurting so badly and I'm past the "bad" hurt (most of the time) and when I try to encourage him, I FEEL like I sound like I'm saying "look at me, see how far I've come", instead of "look at what God has done in my life to heal me and change me and bring me past the junk". I feel like I sound self-righteous when I tell him that he WILL get past this and have peace and that his children will respect their dad as they grow up seeing him act in a Godly way towards their mother.
I'm just constantly reminded in situations like this why God hates divorce...He knows how it breaks our hearts. He knows the repercussions we, and our children, live with the rest of our lives. His grace IS sufficient to heal the wounds, but we still carry the scars.
Even though I've been there and even though I've often prayed that God would give me the opportunity to speak peace and comfort to someone else walking a path I've walked, it still seems so...I don't know--condescending? I'm not sure that's exactly the word I'm looking for. He is hurting so badly and I'm past the "bad" hurt (most of the time) and when I try to encourage him, I FEEL like I sound like I'm saying "look at me, see how far I've come", instead of "look at what God has done in my life to heal me and change me and bring me past the junk". I feel like I sound self-righteous when I tell him that he WILL get past this and have peace and that his children will respect their dad as they grow up seeing him act in a Godly way towards their mother.
I'm just constantly reminded in situations like this why God hates divorce...He knows how it breaks our hearts. He knows the repercussions we, and our children, live with the rest of our lives. His grace IS sufficient to heal the wounds, but we still carry the scars.
Baby, It's Cold...Inside!
It's a chilly 62 degrees in my house this morning. My furnace quit working around 9:00 last night and, unfortunately, it wasn't as simple as relighting the pilot light this time.
After spending about fifteen minutes trying to do just that and watching the little flame flicker and go out every time I let go of the button (and after being told I sounded like the dad on "Christmas Story" when he's having "furnace issues"!), I gave up, stomped back upstairs, wrapped up in blankets and turned on the space heater.
I'm REALLY glad the weather is warmer now than it was over the weekend--while I was gone, the temperature in my house dropped to 45...my poor cat was glad for her fur coat!!
My fingers are COLD...time for some coffee. Maybe if I just stick my fingers down in the mug.... ;-)
After spending about fifteen minutes trying to do just that and watching the little flame flicker and go out every time I let go of the button (and after being told I sounded like the dad on "Christmas Story" when he's having "furnace issues"!), I gave up, stomped back upstairs, wrapped up in blankets and turned on the space heater.
I'm REALLY glad the weather is warmer now than it was over the weekend--while I was gone, the temperature in my house dropped to 45...my poor cat was glad for her fur coat!!
My fingers are COLD...time for some coffee. Maybe if I just stick my fingers down in the mug.... ;-)
Thursday, February 16, 2006
The book challenge thing...
I've taken the challenge...
I've gotten out of the habit of reading as prolifically as I once did and I want to find my way back to, at least, a "middle ground"...where I might not spend ALL my free time with my nose in a book, but at least not all my time with my eyes glued to the computer screen. Since I don't have cable, you'd think I would read more, but then there's NetFlix and all the movies I've missed the past few years because I absolutely loathe going to a theater to see a movie by myself.
So, I'm reading. Here's what I've read so far this year:
1) A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett. I didn't know he was an author until I received this book as a gift (thanks, Becky M.) It was actually pretty good--entertaining to say the least.
2) Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. I LOVE the Space Trilogy...some of the best books I've ever read. This is the first book in the trilogy. Not as good as Perelandra (what is?), but good nonetheless.
3) Dream Big by Lisa Hammond. She started the mail-order company Femail Creations (one of my favorite e-places to shop!) and this is the story of how she achieved her dream...a good "pep talk" book for anyone who dreams of starting their own business someday.
4) Chasing Daylight by Eugene O'Kelley. He was the CEO of KPMG, one of the "big 5" accounting firms. He was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer in May 2005 and died in September. This is the story of his death...how he literally spent the last five months of his life living like he was dying (something we should all be doing, eh?) He made the most of every day, met with all the friends and family he could in order to say goodbye while he was still able, and spent time doing what he loved with the people he loved. He wrote all but the last chapter of the book himself--his wife wrote the final chapter after his death.
5) The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. (I seem to be reading a lot about dreams lately!) I'm not a Wilkinson fan, because...well, for a variety of reasons which really have nothing to do with this book or the list, so I won't even start, but this wasn't too bad for a "five simple steps to put God in a box and make Him make you successful" kind of book (oops, I said I wouldn't even start, didn't I?! Sorry...) I don't think this book will change my life in any way, but it had a nice little "parable" attached to it and it was on sale, so I didn't lose much.
Currently reading (I'm a multi-tasker even when it comes to reading...):
6) Scale Down by Danna Demetre.
7) Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller (the man who laughed when I proposed to him...what kind of reaction is THAT to a marriage proposal?!!) ;-)
8) The Journey of Desire by John Eldridge.
I may not make it to 50, but I'm going to make an effort.
I've gotten out of the habit of reading as prolifically as I once did and I want to find my way back to, at least, a "middle ground"...where I might not spend ALL my free time with my nose in a book, but at least not all my time with my eyes glued to the computer screen. Since I don't have cable, you'd think I would read more, but then there's NetFlix and all the movies I've missed the past few years because I absolutely loathe going to a theater to see a movie by myself.
So, I'm reading. Here's what I've read so far this year:
1) A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett. I didn't know he was an author until I received this book as a gift (thanks, Becky M.) It was actually pretty good--entertaining to say the least.
2) Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. I LOVE the Space Trilogy...some of the best books I've ever read. This is the first book in the trilogy. Not as good as Perelandra (what is?), but good nonetheless.
3) Dream Big by Lisa Hammond. She started the mail-order company Femail Creations (one of my favorite e-places to shop!) and this is the story of how she achieved her dream...a good "pep talk" book for anyone who dreams of starting their own business someday.
4) Chasing Daylight by Eugene O'Kelley. He was the CEO of KPMG, one of the "big 5" accounting firms. He was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer in May 2005 and died in September. This is the story of his death...how he literally spent the last five months of his life living like he was dying (something we should all be doing, eh?) He made the most of every day, met with all the friends and family he could in order to say goodbye while he was still able, and spent time doing what he loved with the people he loved. He wrote all but the last chapter of the book himself--his wife wrote the final chapter after his death.
5) The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. (I seem to be reading a lot about dreams lately!) I'm not a Wilkinson fan, because...well, for a variety of reasons which really have nothing to do with this book or the list, so I won't even start, but this wasn't too bad for a "five simple steps to put God in a box and make Him make you successful" kind of book (oops, I said I wouldn't even start, didn't I?! Sorry...) I don't think this book will change my life in any way, but it had a nice little "parable" attached to it and it was on sale, so I didn't lose much.
Currently reading (I'm a multi-tasker even when it comes to reading...):
6) Scale Down by Danna Demetre.
7) Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller (the man who laughed when I proposed to him...what kind of reaction is THAT to a marriage proposal?!!) ;-)
8) The Journey of Desire by John Eldridge.
I may not make it to 50, but I'm going to make an effort.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Figuring it out...
So, tonight I learned how to edit titles in the sidebar AND how to add some links. I vaguely remember some of this from computer programming classes back...let's just say a LONG time ago--when BASIC, FORTRAN and COBOL were the things to know. (Suddenly, I feel really old.)
I've been reminded how much I hate reading instructions. I am not a learning-by-reading person, which is strange because I love to read. But I read the instructions tonight and followed each step and it worked! Amazing how the directions, if correctly followed, lead to the desired end result.
And amazing how we (meaning me, of course) so often think we can plow through God's instruction manual, picking and choosing which parts we'll follow and which parts we think we can leave out...and then be amazed when the text of our lives is full of junk.
I've been reminded how much I hate reading instructions. I am not a learning-by-reading person, which is strange because I love to read. But I read the instructions tonight and followed each step and it worked! Amazing how the directions, if correctly followed, lead to the desired end result.
And amazing how we (meaning me, of course) so often think we can plow through God's instruction manual, picking and choosing which parts we'll follow and which parts we think we can leave out...and then be amazed when the text of our lives is full of junk.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
...Blooming Most Recklessly...
...Blooming Most Recklessly...
So...here I am, a late "bloomer" in the blogging world, finally caving in to the peer pressure and having absolutely no clue what I'm doing--yet. I'll figure it out, though...definitely through trial and probably through error. When I figure out the whole photo-posting thing, I'll try that, too.
I wanted to use "Myself When I am Real" as the name of my blog, but a LOT of people are already using that (so much for thinking I was "original" in my idea to pirate the name from Bebo). So...I chose part of a quote from one of my favorite poets/writers, Rainer Maria Rilke, whom I may be quoting regularly for awhile, since he's a current addiction.
I'm not sure what this blog will end up looking like...it won't be a "Dear Diary, today I...." kind of thing, I'm relatively certain. I'm all about randomosity (one of my favorite words that I wasn't really sure WAS a "real" word, but a lot of other people think it is, so it must be...)--I'll probably be just as surprised as anyone else when I see what ends up here. For now....a Rilke poem that I LOVE:
I live my life in growing rings
which move out over the things around me.
Perhaps I'll never complete the last,
but that's what I mean to try.
I'm circling around God, around the ancient tower,
and I've been circling thousands years;
and I still don't know: am I a falcon, a storm
or a great song.
So...here I am, a late "bloomer" in the blogging world, finally caving in to the peer pressure and having absolutely no clue what I'm doing--yet. I'll figure it out, though...definitely through trial and probably through error. When I figure out the whole photo-posting thing, I'll try that, too.
I wanted to use "Myself When I am Real" as the name of my blog, but a LOT of people are already using that (so much for thinking I was "original" in my idea to pirate the name from Bebo). So...I chose part of a quote from one of my favorite poets/writers, Rainer Maria Rilke, whom I may be quoting regularly for awhile, since he's a current addiction.
I'm not sure what this blog will end up looking like...it won't be a "Dear Diary, today I...." kind of thing, I'm relatively certain. I'm all about randomosity (one of my favorite words that I wasn't really sure WAS a "real" word, but a lot of other people think it is, so it must be...)--I'll probably be just as surprised as anyone else when I see what ends up here. For now....a Rilke poem that I LOVE:
I live my life in growing rings
which move out over the things around me.
Perhaps I'll never complete the last,
but that's what I mean to try.
I'm circling around God, around the ancient tower,
and I've been circling thousands years;
and I still don't know: am I a falcon, a storm
or a great song.
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